Disclaimer:  Paramount owns all things Star Trek Voyager.  I don’t.  Only borrowing                 
                     them. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Rating:          NC 17.  Kids go play elsewhere.  Contains adult material.

Summary:     When Kathryn refuses to trade technology, she and Chakotay are held 
                     captive and subjected to brutal assaults.  Dealing with the aftermath
                     almost destroys them.  Is their new relationship strong enough?                 




Kathryn and Chakotay were ushered down a long, dark and damp hallway.  There were steel doors spaced along each side and the stone walls appeared almost shiny with damp and patches of what appeared to be some sort of mould growing on them.  A coldness hung around them and there was a bad smell to the whole place, almost as if people had died here and been forgotten.

Kathryn tried to control the shivers she felt going through her entire body but she could feel a slight tremble from Chakotay also, as they walked down the long corridor and he kept his arm tightly around her.  She noticed there was almost a silence to the place, broken only by their own footsteps and those of their captors.

They finally reached a door at the end of the hallway, which one of the guards opened.  The door appeared like the others and seemed to be made from a very heavy metal, the guard almost struggling with its weight. 

“Get inside”   they were ordered. 

As they entered, the door was pulled shut behind them.  They could hear the guards laughing to themselves as they returned back down the hallway, but apart from that there was no other sound.

Immediately Chakotay was at Kathryn’s side, pulling her into his arms.  “It’s going to be all right” he whispered to her.  “We’ll get out of this.” 

Kathryn knew he was trying to comfort her as much as reassure himself.  He pulled back and looked at her face.  “Let’s see that”  he said, as he gently inspected the deepening bruise on her face. 

“It’s fine and I’ve had worse.  Let’s check out our surroundings.” 

Chakotay wanted to check her condition but let the matter drop, knowing that at this moment in time, Kathryn needed to feel strong and in control.  This was the Captain in place and Chakotay knew that Kathryn always had to take a back seat in these matters in order for her to get through.  Together they inspected their cell.  There was a stone floor, chains hung on the wall and there was a table in the centre of the cell with restraints attached to one end.  The same coldness and dampness permeated here and there was only a small light high in the ceiling.  There wasn’t even a window so they had no way to get their bearings, even if they had known their way around the place. 

“Custom designed quarters.”  Kathryn tried weakly to make a joke, but it sounded hollow to her.  “Let’s try and rest.  We may need all our strength later.” 

Chakotay wished he could get her out of here.  He was supposed to be here to protect her.  Fat lot of good he was so far.  They sat on the floor in the corner, as far away from the door as possible.  Chakotay folded his arms around her as it was so cold, deciding that he could at least try and keep her warm.  They had no idea how much time had passed when they heard footsteps coming along the corridor.  They both stood up, ready to fight if possible but as the door to the cell slowly opened and Gaalot entered with four guards, all armed, they both knew there was no way to fight this.  Gaalot just nodded at the guards and two went towards Chakotay and two towards Janeway.  Gaalot nodded at the two guards who were beside Chakotay and pointed to the wall.

They dragged Chakotay to the wall and secured his wrists to the chains which hung there.  They were tight and he knew there was no way out of them.  He felt so helpless but didn’t care that much for himself.  Kathryn was his worry.  What were they going to do with her?  He didn’t have to wait long to find out as Gaalot nodded to the two guards with Kathryn and they roughly pulled her out into the centre of the cell, one holding each arm.  She did her best to hide her fear, knowing that she could cope with this if they only took her.   She wasn’t sure how well she would cope if Chakotay’s turn came.  She tried to slow her breathing and remember her Starfleet training, which was fine in theory.  Gaalot slowly walked up to her, knowing that taking his time would compound her fear. 

“Well bitch, have you changed your mind yet?” 

“Go to hell”  Kathryn spat at him. 

He just smiled a slow smile, balled his fist and drove it into her stomach.  Kathryn wasn’t ready for the blow and it caught her full force.  She grunted deeply, the breath knocked out of her and would have doubled over but for the two guards holding her arms in a vice like grip.  She tried to catch her breath and was dimly aware of Chakotay shouting at them to leave her alone.  Gaalot gave her time to recover slightly and then he turned to the other two guards and ordered them to gag Chakotay.

“Right, let’s get serious here” he sneered. 

What followed was a blur to Kathryn.  She felt fist after fist rain down on her.  Into her stomach again, her chest, her face and head.  Gaalot moved around behind her and more blows rained down on her back and kidney area.  He kicked at her legs repeatedly and she would have fallen many times, only the two guards refused to let her go.  She could feel their fingers dig into the tender flesh of her arms.  She felt a blow to the back of her head and suddenly felt herself fall.  She fell heavily to the stone floor and felt her face hit first.  She hadn’t been ready again.  She should have put her hands out to break the fall but how could she when the guards had been holding her arms?  She tried to think clearly, knowing that these thoughts would get her nowhere.  She lay where she fell trying to collect herself and ignore the pain but it was a useless exercise.  She cried out loudly again when she felt a boot to her ribs.

Chakotay’s wrists were raw from pulling at his chains.  He tried screaming but it was useless against the tight gag in place.  All he could do was watch helplessly as the woman he loved was beaten to a pulp in front of him.  If they kept this up they would kill her.  She wouldn’t be able to take much more.  Suddenly he saw the guards, at a nod from Gaalot, let go of their grip on her and   he saw Kathryn fall heavily to the floor.  Gaalot kicked at her ribs and she cried out.  He reached down and grabbed her hair, pulling her head up roughly.  Chakotay groaned when he saw Kathryn’s face.  Bruising and cuts covered her beautiful skin and her nose was pouring blood.  Her eyes were half closed and she continued to moan softly in pain. 

“Later whore” Gaalot spit at her then told the guards to take Chakotay down.  “Let him tend his whore” he told them. 

The guards released Chakotay, careful to keep their weapons trained on him and backed out of the room.  The door was pulled shut again and Gaalot’s laughter could be heard all the way down the hall.  Chakotay was at her side in seconds, and he whispered softly to her. 

“All right Kathryn, they’re gone now.  Come on, I have to try and see how bad you are.”   He gently tried to lift Kathryn into a sitting position but she moaned constantly in pain.  He suddenly heard footsteps in the hall again.  “Dear God, they couldn’t be back so soon” he thought.

The door opened again and Gaalot entered with a guard.  Gaalot shoved some clothes towards them and some rags and a bowl of water.  “Clean your bitch up and get changed into these.  We’re not taking any chances with your uniforms.”  On that note, he and the guard left.

Chakotay tried his best to clean Kathryn’s cuts and her bloody nose.  She was fighting him less now and was starting to realize it was him and not Gaalot.  As her awareness grew, she tried to lean close to Chakotay while he tried to explain that they had to change clothes but he wasn’t getting through to her.  He knew if they didn’t obey the orders of Gaalot, things could be a lot harder, more than likely on Kathryn, so he gently eased her out of her uniform and put on the clothes Gaalot had left, what there was of them. 

They were mainly rags.  He pulled what he supposed was a dress over her head and pulled it down as far as it would go.  It only reached to her mid thighs.  He tried not to look at her body, which was rapidly discolouring from all the blows she had received.  He didn’t want to see her body this way.  It should have been her choice for him to see it, she who named the time and place and the circumstances.  Not like this.  It should have been when they made love for the first time.  Not like this.  Not like this. 

He lay her down as gently as he could and quickly changed into the rags that passed for pants and a shirt they have left for him.  He sat back down and gently lifted Kathryn’s head onto his lap.  He sat stroking her face and hair for some time, whispering gently to her, hoping to comfort her in some way.  Gaalot had just beaten her for the sake of it.  He hadn’t even asked her anything or mentioned the negotiations again.  He sat with her for what must have been hours but he wasn’t sure.  He wondered where the hell Voyager was.  The only interruption had been two guards who had come to take their uniforms.

Kathryn appeared to be sleeping so he kept having to wake her, as he had to be sure she was only sleeping and not unconscious from concussion.  Slowly she became more aware and started to come back to herself a little. 

Suddenly they heard voices in the hall.  When the door opened again, there were four guards along with Gaalot and Hatar.  “Feel up to co-operating now ‘Captain’?”  Hatar sneered at her then signalled to the guards to separate Kathryn from Chakotay. 

“I told you before” Kathryn hissed through her pain “go to hell.” 

“All right my dear, let’s send your lover there first though, shall we?” 

Kathryn was dragged to the wall and chained up the same way Chakotay had been and the gag was roughly pulled across her mouth, digging into the cuts already there.  She struggled as best she could but didn’t have the strength.  The guards then grabbed Chakotay.  He locked eyes with Kathryn. 

“It’s all right, trust me, we’ll get through this” he mouthed at her. 

For the first time, tears ran from Kathryn’s eyes. She wouldn’t cry for herself, but for him.  Kathryn was then forced to watch as the man she had finally allowed herself to love was savagely beaten in front of her.  He refused to say anything to his tormentors.  He wouldn’t let Kathryn down.  She had been brave beyond words and so he would be too.  Pain seemed to ooze from every pore in his body, but he refused to give up, keeping the image of Kathryn in his mind. 

Finally they seemed to give up and let him slip to the floor.  Gaalot signalled to the guards again and they roughly lifted Chakotay up.  “Watch this” Gaalot shouted at Chakotay. 

He produced a stick like device, which hummed when he turned it on.  He pushed it into Kathryn’s ribs and it made a buzzing sound.  Kathryn tried to scream as pain shot through her body.  The stick was pushed against her again and again, the pain becoming continuous.  Chakotay was screaming for Gaalot to leave her alone.  Gaalot turned the device on Chakotay then and he felt the same pain shoot through every part of him.  His only thought was that while they were using it on him, they weren’t using it on Kathryn.  Eventually Gaalot seemed to tire of this game and could see he was getting nowhere.  He turned to Hatar and told him “all right, have it your way” and with this he left.

Kathryn allowed herself a brief hope that they had given up, but it was short lived.  Hatar shoved his face into Kathryn’s and snarled at her.  “Now the fun begins, my dear.  Let’s see if you give in after this.” 

He signalled to the guards to lift Chakotay, who felt himself being pulled up and across the table.  He felt his hands being secured to the binders at the top of the table and tried to tell himself that he could take more pain, that he could take any pain as long as Kathryn wasn’t getting hurt.

Pain.  It comes in many forms.  Chakotay prepared himself for physical pain.  More of the same.  He could take this.  He looked around at Kathryn and tried to signal with his eyes.  “We will be all right.” 

Suddenly his head was pulled back and a piece of cloth was roughly pushed into his mouth.  “Oh they’re getting really serious”  he thought. 

There was now only one guard left in the room and Hatar shouted for him to get out.  When there was only Hatar alone with his victims, Chakotay began to wonder what was next.  Why send the guards away?  He got his answer very quickly.  Chakotay saw the knife in Hatar’s hand.  Hatar moved around the table and started cutting away the rags which covered Chakotay’s body.  He then leaned down and whispered in Chakotay’s ear. 

“You are going to be mine, body and soul.  I am going to take you in front of your woman.  She will never be able to look at you again much less touch you, for I will destroy you.” 

The venom in his voice sent shivers through every part of Chakotay’s body.  “Dear God, he couldn’t mean he was going to… no, not that, not in front of Kathryn…” 

Hatar kept to his promise.  He moved around behind Chakotay and positioned himself against him.  Chakotay could hear Kathryn try to scream.  He tried to block out what was about to happen but he knew he couldn’t.  Once this was over, his life would be over.  He hoped he would in fact die during what was to come, as anything would be better than having to face Kathryn after this.  He had just found love with her.  He knew he could not stand to only find pity or even perhaps revulsion had replaced that love.  He tried in vain to believe what was going to happen wouldn’t happen, but it made no difference.  He knew it was going to happen and it did.  He felt Hatar pull his cheeks apart and insert a finger in his anus.  Pain shot through him.  He felt the brute push the tip of his penis against the opening next and start to push in. 

Chakotay had often wondered how women felt when they were raped and he was finding out.  The old saying he had often heard that ‘men can’t be raped’ was a lie.  This was rape.  It had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and humiliation and it was working.  Pain worse than anything he had ever known filled him as Hatar pushed all the way in and started to thrust in and out roughly.  Even with the cloth gag in place, Chakotay screamed in agony but the brutal assault continued.  He found his breathing was affected and felt blood run down his thighs.  The assault seemed to continue forever.  All he was aware of was the pain and Kathryn trying to scream.  His only ray of comfort was that it was him and not her. 

As the assault continued, his mind crept further and further away.  The only escape from this was madness.  There was a semblance of comfort in madness for him.  If he went mad, he would never know what it was like to see Kathryn’s pity for him.  He would never see the look of utter revulsion on her face if he ever tried to touch her.  What they had had the last week was soiled beyond understanding.   When death came for him, soon he hoped, maybe the memories of what had been and the dreams of what could have been might nourish him a little in the next life.  His mind had sunk so far into his safe place, that he never felt Hatar shudder as he climaxed and fill Chakotay’s rectum with his ejaculation, where it mixed with his blood.  He didn’t feel him slump over him.  He didn’t even register the brute getting off him and untying his hands.  He was unaware of his body slipping to the cold floor, naked and shivering.  Reality was a thing of the past, just like Kathryn.

Kathryn was wild with pain, physical and emotional and panic filled her.  To her, this was as bad as having witnessed the death of her father and Justin.  Here too, she had witnessed a death, the death of another man she loved.  She had struggled so hard against the chains that bound her, that she had broken both her wrists but that was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.  How would they get through this?  Would they ever get a chance to try?  Where was Voyager?  Hatar laughed at her and at his handiwork.  “Job satisfaction” was all he said. 

He kicked at Chakotay’s still form on the ground.  “Nothing like a job well done, eh Captain?”   He walked over to her and grabbed her face, twisting her head around so she was forced to look at him.  The gag dug in deeper.  “Are you ready to give us what we want now” he spat at her. 

Kathryn would have been incapable of answering him, even if she had wanted to.    With this he walked over to the door.  “I’ll let you think about it for a while” and with this parting shot, he left, only to return seconds later. 

“Just so you don’t think I’m completely heartless…”  He reached up and undid the chains binding Kathryn to the wall and let her fall to the floor.  “Go and see what’s left” and once again he left the cell.

Kathryn crawled over to Chakotay.  She reached out gently to him but there was no response.  She kept saying his name over and over but there was nothing there.  The man she loved was gone, dead to her.  It would take a long time, but she was determined to bring him back to her.  These bastards would not take him from her.  It had taken too long to find him, to allow herself to let him into her life and she wasn’t going to have him taken away from her like this.  Kathryn Janeway was nothing if not a fighter and this was one fight she was determined not to lose. 

There was still a small area of Chakotay’s mind, which was barely aware of Kathryn beside him.  Pity. He could feel it.  That was what she felt for him.  As Kathryn lay on the cold floor beside Chakotay, she again heard footsteps in the hall.  When the door opened this time, Hatar and Gaalot were both standing there along with two guards.  Hatar approached her and laughed down at her.  “Not much left, is there?” he sneered. 

“You bastard”  Kathryn spat at him. 

“Now my dear, you wouldn’t deny a man a bit of fun, would you?  Do you think he’s ready for more?” 

Kathryn couldn’t believe he would do this.  She couldn’t let him do this again.  She tried frantically to think but her mind was in such turmoil.  She had to protect him this time and so instinct took over and she made the greatest sacrifice of all.  “No, take me instead.  Look at him.  He’s useless to you.  Nothing registers with him.  He wouldn’t even know what you were doing to him.  What use is that to you.....”  

Hatar looked at her with a strange look in his eyes, which quickly turned to scorn.  “True love with you two, is it, Captain?  All right, you it is.  I’ll even let you keep the spoils when we’re through with you.  I’ll let you keep the remains of your lover.”  He laughed and turned to Gaalot.  “A difficult offer to refuse eh Gaalot.” 

Gaalot gave a slow smile.  “Difficult to refuse indeed.”

Kathryn felt panic build in her at an alarming rate.  “God, let me get through this.  This is for Chakotay.”  Her eyes dropped to see Gaalot rubbing his crotch.  “Is he going to be the one?  No, it has to be Hatar, at least he appears somewhat human, and surely Gaalot wouldn’t be interested.”  Kathryn’s mind was going into shock.

Hatar saw the look in her eyes and laughed again.  “Sorry to disappoint you, my dear, but you’re not my type.  I’m sure Gaalot will do a good job on you though.”  He signalled to the guards.  They stepped forward and grabbed Kathryn from behind, holding her firm. 

Hatar stepped towards her.  “Before I go though, I just want to see the look in your eyes.”  He sneered at her and grabbed her hair roughly, jerking her face towards his.  “You’ve seen me and your lover here has felt me.  I am much like your people.  The Prevars however, are a different matter.”  He laughed again at Kathryn.  “I’m sure you were wondering what I am doing here.  Let me tell you.  My people are peace loving and idiots.  They will never amount to anything.  I on the other hand, had bigger ideals.  That’s why I came here.  These people know the value of power and wealth, well Gaalot does anyway.” 

Janeway couldn’t believe it.  He had fooled them, and he had fooled her.  Chakotay had tried to warn her but she hadn’t listened to him and now it was her fault.  She was responsible for what had happened to him and guilt swept over her.  He would never, could never forgive her, even if he recovered from this in any way.  “Is this what you wanted to see the look in my eyes about?”  Kathryn hissed at him. 

“No, no my dear, this...”   He released her hair and stood back.  Gaalot opened his belt and slowly lowered his trousers.  Kathryn’s mind went into full shock at what she saw.  Gaalot stood before her, his large penis hanging.  The sheer size was bad enough but there appeared to be some sort of ridges along it.  “Sweet God” she thought  “there is no way possible… he’ll kill me…”

Hatar, Gaalot and the guards all laughed as Kathryn struggled against the vice like grip on her, to no avail.   “No, no, you can’t… please no…”   Her cries fell on deaf ears. 

“Now Captain, remember you did volunteer” said Hatar. 

Suddenly she felt herself lifted and slammed down on the table, the same table where Chakotay had been raped.  She was slammed down on her back and her arms were forced above her head.  She struggled with every last bit of strength she had but it was useless.  Her wrists, already broken, were fixed in the binders, while the guards held her body down.  A fist was driven into her stomach and this stopped her struggles as she gasped for air.  Before she knew it, the guards were gone along with Hatar, leaving her alone with Gaalot.  He had her positioned as he wanted her.  Her legs hung over the bottom of the table and her eyes were wild with pain and fear.  Gaalot leaned over her and stared her in the eyes.  Kathryn was aware enough to see that the pain and fear he saw there  was turning the monster on and it sickened her but at this moment in time, there was little she could do to control it. 

“The fun I’m going to have with you” he whispered in her ear. 

“Please, I beg you, don’t do this…”  Her pleas were ignored. 

Gaalot leaned over her and roughly shoved the same piece of cloth used on Chakotay into Kathryn’s mouth.  She tried to pull her legs up and together in a vain attempt to protect herself as Gaalot went to the end of the table and reached down to grab her thighs.  He roughly pulled them apart, spreading her legs wide, despite her best efforts to keep them pressed tightly closed.  He then positioned himself between them.  He reached up her body and ripped away the flimsy dress and her underwear.   “Nice enough” he grunted. “You’ll do.” 

With his rough hands, he began to maul Kathryn’s breasts.  Pain shot through them.  His hands were rough and he had long claw like nails, which dug into Kathryn’s flesh.  She screamed, despite the cloth gag but this only earned her a sharp, painful slap across the face. 

“Shut up, you whore”  he rasped at her, shoving the cloth deeper into her mouth, causing her to almost choke on it. 

He fell over Kathryn’s frail body and proceeded to maul and bite at her delicate flesh.  She could feel blood running from her cuts.  She continued to scream, but the gag muffled her screams.  They were loudest in Kathryn’s own mind. 

Gaalot moved down her body and pulled at her pubic hair sharply.  He spread her thighs further and inserted two of his fingers inside her.  His nails cut into the flesh of her inner walls.  Kathryn continued screaming with pain and could feel blood run down her legs. 

“Like that, do you?” he laughed.  “Wait until you get all of me.”

She felt the head of his massive penis press against her entrance.  “I’m going to die” was all she could think. 

Gaalot pushed hard against her, cutting her more.  His nails cut into her hips as he held her firmly in place, despite the fact that her struggles were weak.  He was having a difficult time penetrating her, but with one final thrust he was finally inside her.  The thrust was unforgiving and the ridges of his penis tore at her flesh and at the neck of her womb.  The pain was like nothing Kathryn had ever experienced before.  It was all consuming.  Gaalot continued to ram into her, forcing his way in where there was no room, tearing and ripping Kathryn apart.  She had stopped screaming now, her entire body in shock.  All she could think was “Chakotay, I’m sorry.  It should have been for you.”

Suddenly, he pulled out of her.  Her mind vaguely registered that it was over but hope died quickly.  She felt herself being slammed over onto her stomach, her wrists pulling against their binding.  She was in no position to resist, physically or otherwise.   Her body refused to move, let alone struggle any more.  There was nothing left but to endure until death claimed her.

She felt him come up behind her, laughing all the time, his breathing loud and panting.  She knew he would enter her again from behind which he did for a minute, before pulling out again.  Horror suddenly filled her when she felt him press against her anus.

“Let’s let you share what your lover experienced” Gaalot laughed, and with a giant thrust, pushed into her again. 

Her pain increased beyond what she thought possible.  He rammed into her at an incredible pace, tearing flesh again.  Once more his nails tore into her hips while he held her down.  She also felt them rake across her back.  Her mind at this stage was on the verge of madness.  There was nothing except pain, unrelenting pain.

When he tired of this, she felt him withdraw and she was again positioned on her back.  More pain shot through her from the rips down her back as she was pressed down onto the table.  She felt him bite at her breasts and then her thighs.  Kathryn’s legs just hung limply over the end of the table.  There was no struggle or fight left in her.  She almost felt as if she was standing back watching what was happening to her body but was powerless to help.  She was aware of him pressing into her again and then he was once more inside her, pounding in and out of her. He pulled her legs up to gain better entrance, his nails digging into her thighs this time.  This made the penetration even deeper and she thought she would split open at any moment.

Kathryn’s body was like a rag doll as Gaalot pulled her around.   She felt him begin to shudder and prayed it was nearly over.  Suddenly she felt him spurt into her. 

She had thought there could be no more pain to what she already had, but she was wrong.  As Gaalot’s sperm filled her, she was aware of something else, a different pain, a burning.  It felt as if acid had been poured inside her.  Her scream came and continued, accompanying Gaalot’s grunts and he fell across her, satisfied.  Kathryn’s screams lessened, her voice finally gone.  Only the red mist of blinding pain remained.  She prayed to die, or at least pass out, but her prayers were not to be answered that day.

Gaalot finally pulled out of her.   “You’re not too bad a fuck”  he laughed. 

As he fixed his clothing, he glanced at her.   She just lay there in pain and shock, her blood and other body fluids pooling on the floor beneath her. 

“Worn you out, have I?” he sneered.  “I’ll let you rest for now but I’ll be back later.  Maybe some of the guards would like a turn.  However, a parting gift, something to remember me by.” 

He reached behind him and withdrew the pain device he had used earlier from his belt.   Without warning he forced it into Kathryn, penetrating her with it fully and then he turned it on.  Fresh pain surged through her.  She felt him withdraw it and then push it into her anus, continuing the pain.  He even ran it over her cut and bitten breasts, laughing all the time.  Had Kathryn been capable of screaming more, she would have, but her entire system was in shock and her voice had long gone.  She knew what semblance of her sanity was left was not far behind it. 

Before he left he reached up and undid the shackles at her wrists and pulled her down to the floor.  With this, he was gone, leaving behind him the ashes of two shattered lives. 

Kathryn lay on the floor, shivering and naked.  She was dimly aware of her blood, running from the numerous cuts and bites on her body and she could feel Gaalot’s sperm, mixed with her blood, running down her thighs, burning her further.  She was unaware of something else leaving her body.  Her spirit, her very soul.

Some time later, Kathryn became somewhat aware again.  Her pain was still all consuming but some survival backup system appeared to kick in with her.  She reached for the remains of the ‘dress’ she had been given to wear and managed to pull it around her a bit.  Every movement caused fresh pain.  She slowly crawled over to Chakotay who had not moved at all.  She reached out to him and tried calling him.  She realized the cloth gag was still in her mouth and pulled it out.  She needed him badly, more than she had ever needed another human being in her entire life, but there was no one there anymore.  Kathryn lay down beside him, praying for death.  She lay down with him in the shattered remains of a life that could have been, but now would never be.

After an unknown amount of time had passed, Kathryn was suddenly aware that it was much brighter than it had been before.  She slowly opened her eyes as much as they would allow.  She registered that she was in sickbay, with the Doctor leaning over her, as she and Chakotay were lying on the floor in the same positions as they had been in the cell. 

“Captain” she heard the doctor say gently “you and the Commander are in sick bay.  Lieutenant Tuvok and Ms. Torres managed to beam you out.  I don’t know the details.”  He reached for Kathryn and spoke with an unseen person.  “Ensign, let’s get her on to a bed but go gently.”  Kathryn struggled briefly.

“No…take Chakotay first…See to him first…”  Her voice sounded alien to her, hoarse and painful. 

“The Commander is being taken care of as we speak” said the Doctor. “It’s you we have to worry about.”

Kathryn felt herself slowly lifted onto the biobed on her side, the Doctor avoiding anything touching off her back.  It caused her great pain and she cried out loudly.  She saw the look of sadness and pity on the Doctor’s holographic face.  “We’ve done well with him” registered in her mind, aware enough to find the thought strange.

Time lost meaning.  She was aware of the Doctor running around her bed, doing various scans and treatments, but they meant nothing to her.  “Chakotay…” she managed to whisper. 

“Please Captain” said the Doctor “the Commander is fine.  He’s sleeping.  Now let me take care of you.  Try not to speak, please.” 

Kathryn wished he would sedate her.  How many times had he done that when she didn’t want him to and now he didn’t seem to want to.  She knew her mind was wandering but so what.  Maybe this was the onset of the madness she desired. 

All at once, she registered Tuvok looking down at her.  It struck her that he had a strange look on his face, an emotion, but her mind was too tired and she was in too much pain to think about it.  She vaguely heard him ask the doctor about her condition.  She was unable to hear if there was any answer.  “Please Doctor…” she managed to croak “the pain…please.”

“Captain, very shortly, I promise, I just need to assess your injuries first…”

He didn’t need to tell her more.  She knew what her injuries were.  There would never be love with Chakotay, never any children with him...prognosis - terminal loneliness, unending nightmares..... 

Finally the Doctor approached her with a hypospray and put an end to the pain for the moment.  She felt the pain ease slightly just as the darkness claimed her.  Her last thought... 

“Chakotay, I love you…please forgive me…”