Paramount owns all things Star Trek Voyager. I don't. Only borrowing them. Etc. Etc. Etc.
NC 17 - VERY
Written for 2005 Secret Santa on VAMB.
This was my request Would like - J/C Xmas story, NC-17, with the following things. Public singing comp, a lecherous barfly who's taking liberties with Kathryn's body, Chak to the rescue, mucho drunkenness from Janeway, (hence singing!) hot sex in an unusual position using some toys inc a glass vibrator! " This was the result.

Make Me Feel

by Kat Lady

The weather was milder than usual for December and Chakotay relished the freedom of working outdoors with his hands in the soil. He'd bought the cabin just two months before and was leaving most of the indoor tasks until he'd put his mark on the garden. Most of the land he preferred to leave in its natural state, but he wanted some bedding plants near the cabin to add a little colour to the place.

He inhaled the fresh air and closed his eyes, his lungs almost singing after seven years of recycled air. He sat back on his heels and looked around him. His new home was all he could have wished for, a rural setting yet close to the city and his new job at the university there. It was perfect. Almost.

Between the gardening and these thoughts, Kathryn wasn't far from his mind, and he wondered what she was doing at this moment, if she was happy. She'd left Starfleet and left him. Just walked away. She'd left them all and there was nothing he could do about it.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw someone walking on the path that ran along the lower boundary of his land. At first he paid little heed to the person as some of the locals often walked their dogs on that route. He went back to work for a moment until he looked up again and saw the stranger walking up his long driveway.

Chakotay looked briefly at his visitor as they approached and saw that it was a woman. His faint interest was fuelled as she drew nearer, and his eyes widened.

Phoebe Janeway recognized the look. She'd seen it so many times living in her sister's shadow. She was well used to being mistaken for her. She smiled softly as Chakotay stood up to greet her, liking the fact that the man had good manners.

Chakotay frowned slightly as he wiped his hands on his jeans. "You're Kathryn's sister. Sorry. I thought…"

Phoebe smiled softly. "Yes, a lot of people do. I'm flattered actually."

She saw his frown deepen, worried now. "Is Kathryn all right?"

"She's fine. There's nothing…" She stopped. "Well, obviously I'm here for a reason so there's something but… What I mean is she's not sick…hasn't had an accident." She saw the relief on his face but some worry remained.

He moved a little closer. "But something's wrong."

Phoebe nodded. "Yes."

Phoebe sat at Chakotay's kitchen table and looked around her. Despite never having been in this house before, she felt instantly at home. She smiled at Chakotay as he set a cup of tea down before her.

"Sorry I don't have any coffee. I haven't been too good at keeping my kitchen well stocked."

Phoebe took the tea and shook her head. "This is perfect. Believe it or not, it's only Kathryn who drinks coffee. I've never been a fan."

Chakotay laughed at that. "That surprises me. I had the impression it was a Janeway family tradition."

She shook her head. "No. That addiction is all Kathryn's."

They settled into a silence as they both drank, but Phoebe could sense Chakotay's underlying worry. She put her cup down on a coaster and sighed. "I'll get straight to the reason for my visit."

Chakotay sighed. "Please."

She played with her cup. "This isn't easy, but I feel I have no other choice. I had to come and see you."

Chakotay watched her closely. "You said there was nothing wrong, but I can see you're really worried. Just tell me why you're here."

Phoebe cleared her throat. "OK. Here goes." She drew in a deep breath and looked at the man beside her. "I'm worried about Kathryn. I'm very worried." She saw that mirrored on the face before her, but he stayed quiet for her to finish.

"She's not sick, as I said, but I'm worried she will be if she keeps going as she is." She sighed and took the plunge. "My sister has been drinking a lot. The past few weeks have been the worst and now with Christmas here…" She shrugged. "I think this time of year makes many people depressed. They remember what they've lost even more."

Chakotay's grip tightened on his cup. "Go on."

Phoebe saw him holding himself together until she'd finished. She nodded slowly, knowing she needed to be totally honest with this man. "Many nights she doesn't come home, and …" She sighed again. "I don't want to think about where she spends her nights." She met Chakotay's eyes, worried about what she'd see there.

He just looked sad. "Or with whom." There was no recrimination there.

Phoebe nodded and looked slightly embarrassed. "Maybe..."

Chakotay reached over and patted her hand. "It's OK. I've heard the gossip and seen her on the society vids. They mention her from time to time, although not lately."

Phoebe felt the need to defend her sister. "Chakotay, whatever men there are…they mean nothing to her." She made a quick decision and jumped in. "There's only one man for her." She rubbed a hand over her face. "God, she'll kill me for coming here and talking to you like this."

She stood up suddenly and paced, looking even more like her older sister. Chakotay couldn't help but be amused although he hid it well. She stopped suddenly and looked straight into his eyes. "Look, I don't know how serious you are about this Seven. I asked Kathryn, but she refused to talk to me. She's badly hurt though." She looked shocked at her own outburst.

Chakotay smiled sadly at her, putting her at her ease. He motioned for her to sit down, which she did. He placed both his hands around his cup and sat forward. "There is no Seven. Not with me anyway. There never really was, but Kathryn left before I could tell her."

Phoebe seemed shocked at that at first, but then accepted it. "You didn't try and talk to her?"

He shrugged. "I tried, but she avoided me and we had debriefings and…" He nodded slowly and sighed. "And I could have tried a lot harder."

Phoebe just sat back and let him talk. "At first I just felt hurt and tried to tell myself that as soon as everything was over, we'd be able to talk. That never happened though. She left before I got a chance to see her." He sat back. "After that, I just felt hurt. I began to hear stories about her dating this guy or that. Then I saw her on the news vids, attending all kinds of functions with a different man each time." He looked down at his hands. "They haven't mentioned her for a while, so I just let it go, assuming her love life was just fine."

Phoebe digested that and sat forward also. "Well, it's not. You certainly couldn't call it a love life. In fact, you couldn't even call it a life."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. "And you think I'm the answer? What makes you think she still wants me?"

Phoebe smiled softly. "Yes, I think you're the answer, and yes, I know she still wants you. You have to trust my gut instinct and how well I know my sister on that one." She sighed deeply. "Look, I've seen Kathryn like this before. This is far worse though. That time before, after daddy and Justin were killed, I brought her out of it with a bucket of cold water." She smiled sadly. "I threw it over her in bed."

Chakotay laughed slightly at that. "And lived to tell the tale?"

Phoebe laughed with him, but it faded quickly. Her sadness was still visible. "I'm hoping you can be the bucket of cold water she needs this time. If you can't, I'm afraid we'll lose her completely."

Chakotay shook his head sadly. "You think she's depressed? You're that worried about her?"

Phoebe nodded firmly. "I wouldn't be here otherwise." She locked eyes with him. "I guess my biggest question is do you still want her."

Chakotay didn't need to think about that. "Yes, I do. It's that simple." He glanced out the window a moment before looking back at Phoebe. "Look, I'd love nothing more than to have Kathryn in my life. I care about her deeply. Despite what you say though, Kathryn may not want me in HER life. Don't get me wrong, but if she wants to live the way she has been… What I mean is, she has the right to be with or sleep with whoever she wants to. It's her body and her life."

Phoebe shook her head, her eyes hard. "Yes, she has that right, but picking up strangers? You know how dangerous that can be. Besides, I think she's only living this way because she's lost herself."

Chakotay studied his visitor a moment and then seemed to make a decision. "OK, give me the details. Tell me where I can find her if you can."

She was ahead of him and pulled a padd from her pocket. "I have everything here." She activated the padd, pointing to the first item. "Here's her address. She was living with us until she retired…" She looked up at Chakotay. "You know she retired, rather than take a break?"

Chakotay nodded. "I heard. I still can't believe she did that. I expected her to take a long leave but not to walk away completely."

Phoebe sighed. "I couldn't believe it either. She shocked the hell out of me with that one." She shrugged. "Anyway, she moved into her own place recently. I think to get away from me." She smiled sadly. "I was nagging her too much."

To hide her emotion, she pointed to several other addresses. "I've been snooping. These are bars near where she lives. I guess so she doesn't have far to fall home." Her voice cracked. "Sorry."

Chakotay gripped her hand. "Is it really that bad?"

Phoebe regained control and nodded. "I'm afraid so." He put the padd on the table and looked across at him. "Chakotay, please don't think badly of her. She's not really that kind of woman. She's just…lost...alone…"

He squeezed her hand and smiled. "I'd never think badly of her. I couldn't. I care too much."

She watched his face carefully. "You love her?"

He nodded without hesitation. "Yes, Phoebe. I love her."

Chakotay walked Kathryn's sister to the transporter station as dusk fell. She looked up at him as they reached the entrance. "You'll let me know if or when you find her?"

Chakotay pulled her to him and hugged her. "I'll let you know immediately." He released her and smiled down at her.

She tried to draw strength from that. She turned to enter the station and then looked back. "Chakotay, one more thing." She hesitated and seemed to pick her words carefully. "Look, you may have to fight her here. I think she's past knowing what's best for her. Just…" She shrugged.

Chakotay nodded his understanding and smiled. "Oh, I'll fight her. Don't worry. I have plenty of experience with that."

Phoebe smiled her thanks. "Well, you have my full permission to use that cold water. Please. Whatever it takes."

Chakotay stopped back at his home only long enough to change his clothes, so he could blend in for his search.

Phoebe Janeway's visit had disturbed him more than he'd let on and he found himself deeply worried about his former captain. As he finished dressing, he looked towards the image of Kathryn he kept beside his bed. "You're not my captain anymore. You're not even a Starfleet officer. I just hope you're still some of who I remember."

The sun had well set when Chakotay reached the area of the city Phoebe had directed him to. He decided to check Kathryn's apartment first and smiled when he saw that Phoebe had even noted her sister's entry code. He found the place in darkness but knocked anyway. No one answered.

With that out of the way, he checked the padd he'd been given and scrolled down through the addresses of the bars where Kathryn might be.

The round of bars proved to be an education. Some were quiet, with only a few customers, while others were noisy and overflowing, music blaring from them. The clientele varied in each establishment, with many different kinds of drinker there. They ranged from those just taking a brief break from their lives in order to relax after a hard day before heading home, to others denying the reality of life completely, trying to lose themselves in the bottom of a bottle.

Chakotay blended in with the crowd in the casual clothes he wore. As he searched, he found himself noting the slapdash décor of the bars and shook his head, thinking how sad it was that many people preferred these places to the comfort of their own homes. He realized then that the bars provided the one thing probably missing from the homes of many of the patrons. Human companionship.

Finally, he'd exhausted the bars Phoebe had named. He stood and looked around, noting several others not listed. He slipped the padd into his pocket and turned down a side street. Suddenly he heard singing from a bar at the end of the street and stopped dead. He immediately recognized Kathryn's voice and hurried towards it, her voice leading him like a siren.

He stopped at the entrance and studied a crude, handmade sign pinned to the door. 'Tonight. Gala Singing Contest. Prizes.' He pushed his way through the double doors and looked around. One look at the patrons told him the singing stars of the day had nothing to fear.

Kathryn's voice belted out, not quite in tune, and Chakotay used a pillar to hide behind so he could watch her without her seeing him. For the moment, it was best that he stayed out of sight.

He almost smiled as she stumbled through her song. Kathryn Janeway had not been blessed with a good singing voice, but no one in the bar seemed to care as they watched her performance. Chakotay knew it wasn't her singing they were interested in.

He remained hidden and observed her for some time, having ordered a drink from a side bar. His drink remained untouched but he knew he'd look out of place without it. Kathryn meanwhile had finished her song and was now going from table to table, chatting and laughing with different men and the occasional woman. She also never had a glass out of her hand.

It hurt him to see her behaviour, knocking back drinks and falling over herself and the men who seemed to deliberately block her way. She also seemed unaware or uncaring of their wandering and groping hands. They encouraged her behaviour, supplying her with even more drink.

Eventually Kathryn stumbled to the bar, where the barman took a keen interest in her. He plied her with more alcohol as he flattered her and danced attention on her. Chakotay studied the man, knowing his kind only too well. Every other bar had one, an opportunist, in the job only for what he could get out of it for himself. Chakotay had seen his type many times, from the Alpha Quad to the Delta Quad. He sighed to himself. "What is it with you and barkeeps, Kathryn?"

He leaned his shoulder against the pillar as he continued to watch Kathryn. He saw her lean over the counter, flirting with the barman, her cleavage clearly showing as the man whispered into her ear, his hand taking liberties with her body. Kathryn showed no reaction to his attention. She threw her head back and laughed at something he said, not noticing him refilling her glass.

Chakotay glanced around the bar and saw that several of the men were watching closely, but they all stayed back, knowing the rules of the game. The one with all the power here, the one who refilled their glasses, had staked his claim.

Kathryn tried to stand back then and stumbled, the leech from behind the bar quickly coming to the rescue and grabbing her, his hands brushing against her breasts no accident as he steadied her. He handed her another shot and continued to lavish attention on her.

Chakotay had seen enough. He slipped into a comm booth and contacted Phoebe, her contact details also having been on the padd. "I found her." He saw the relief on her face. "She wasn't at any of the bars you listed so I tried a few more. I heard her before I saw her. She was taking part in some kind of singing contest."

Phoebe frowned. "Kathryn can't sing."

Chakotay almost smiled. "So I heard." He shook his head, serious again. "Sorry. Anyway, I found her. I'll take it from here. After what I've seen, this ends here tonight. I'll call you tomorrow." Phoebe smiled her thanks and cut the connection.

Chakotay returned to the bar and looked around, his eyes searching for Kathryn. She was no longer at the counter and neither was her 'companion'. Worried now, he approached the other barman and wasted no time on preliminaries.

"Where is she?" He saw confusion on the other man's face. "The woman who was here…the blue dress."

The barman merely shrugged as he polished a glass, more for something to do than out of necessity. Chakotay felt himself losing patience but retained a delicate outward calm as the man just stared at him. His voice was hard when he spoke. "You know who I mean. Where is she?"

The man looked him up and down, almost sneering. "Who are you? Her father?"

Chakotay's calmness disappeared as he slammed his glass down on the counter. "Where is she, and where's your friend?"

The barman stepped back a little now, seeing Chakotay's rising anger. He knew enough about people to know he'd pushed too far. Chakotay leaned closer. "Shall I call Security and have them raid this dump? Maybe check your licence? There are enough drugs changing hands in this place to stock a small hospital…on top of you breaking the law by continuing to serve clearly intoxicated customers."

The message got through. The barman pointed over his shoulder at a door. "All right. All right. Back there. Store room."

Chakotay entered the dimly lit storeroom and gave his eyes a moment to adjust. Not taking any chances, he slipped the old-fashioned bolt he saw on the door into place.

He moved forward silently, hearing voices and rounded a corner. He stopped dead then, taking in the scene before him.

A very drunk Kathryn was against the wall, with the leech pressed against her. Her speech was slurred but Chakotay clearly heard her mumbled 'no'. He saw the man get rougher with her, one hand down the front of her dress, the other between her legs, her skirt bunched up around her hips. Kathryn weakly tried to push him away from her as he exposed her breast and covered it with his mouth. When she tried to move away from him, he pulled his hand from the front of her dress and smacked her hard across the face. "Stay where you are. Whores like you are all the same. I've well bought your company all night. Now put out or I'll just take it."

Chakotay stepped forward, his hands in fists at his side. "The lady said 'no'.

The leech barely turned his head. "Wait your turn."

Within a second, he was pulled from Kathryn before Chakotay smashed his fist into the man's face. He never saw it coming before he was out cold on the floor.

Feeling it was best to move quickly, Chakotay crossed to a very confused Kathryn. He fixed her clothes and saw that she wasn't exactly with it as she tried to focus on him. He checked another door in the storeroom and to his relief, found that it led to a back alley. He pulled Kathryn against him and half dragged, half carried her out into the alley. She didn't resist and just continued to look confused.


Chakotay drew in a deep breath. "Home." He said no more.

As they neared her apartment, he noticed she was able to walk a little better, the fresh air sobering her slightly. He opened her door, keying in her entry code and saw her frown. "Yes. I know your entry code. Now inside."

He pushed her in ahead of him and ordered the lights on. He sought out the kitchen as Kathryn followed him. She finally seemed to recognize him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Chakotay turned to her, staying calm. "Saving you from being raped, it looked like to me."

Kathryn turned away from him. "What are you talking about?"

Chakotay moved in front of her. "Do you even remember? I saw you tonight, Kathryn, and I've heard about the way you've been acting of late."

Kathryn glared at him, her voice rising. "And this is your concern…how? It's my business. It's my life. Fuck you."

Chakotay began to lose his temper as he stepped back from her. "Fuck you, Kathryn. But then that seems to be a popular sport around here, doesn't it? It must be disconcerting to come home with someone you know for a change."

Kathryn made a run at him, attempting to slap him across the face but stumbled. Chakotay looked at her sadly. "Look at yourself. You're too drunk to even stand. That guy was about to rape you."

Kathryn spit her words at him. "I can handle myself."

He laughed at that. "Really?" He let his anger take over again and raised his voice. "That's not what I saw. He had one hand down your dress and was sucking your tit." While he hated speaking to her this way, he hoped his crudeness would get through to her.

"His other hand was between your legs and your skirt was up around your waist. You didn't seem too willing, but you were too fucking drunk to do anything about it. He smacked you across the face and you didn't even try to fight back. If I hadn't stopped him, you'd have been on your back in minutes, your knickers ripped off, and some stranger between your legs fucking you." He prayed he was shocking her, disgusting her with the image he created. He knew his words would hurt but they needed to in order to get her to see what she was doing to herself.

Kathryn turned away from him but he grabbed her by the shoulders and held her in place, determined that she listen to him. "You were trying to say 'no' and yet you were letting him because you couldn't or wouldn't stop him. You put yourself in that position…no pun intended. Do you care that little about yourself?" He lowered his voice slightly. "What happened to the woman who got her ship and crew home…the one who had all those principles?"

She wouldn't meet his eyes. She tried to pull away from him. "Leave me alone. Let me go."

Chakotay wasn't finished. "You're not that stupid, Kathryn. You know how dangerous that behaviour is and what can happen to you. How many strangers have you woken up with that you can't remember bringing home?"

Kathryn glared at him and broke free of his hold. "Not as many as you seem to think."

Chakotay moved towards her. "Really? And what was tonight?" She had no answer to that. Instead she moved away from him again but he stalked her. "That bastard was right actually. On top of being a candidate for alcoholic of the month, you were acting like a whore."

He saw her anger as she looked up at him and spit her words out. She didn't even try and defend herself. "So what. It's my life."

He nodded angrily at that. "And you're making a hell of a mess of it." He rubbed at his face. "Why, Kathryn? Is it to try and make yourself feel better?"

She rounded on him, close to tears now. "No…it's to try and make myself feel…" She stared at him in shock, but the words were out and it was too late to take them back. She lowered her head. "Just go away. Maybe I'm making up for lost time. I'm living my life the way I want."

Chakotay stood his ground. "You call this living? I just called you a whore and you took it." He stood looking down into her eyes and something just snapped in him. "Is that what you want, Kathryn? Is that what you really want? Is that where I went wrong all those years?"

Kathryn showed some hurt as she looked up at him, but she swallowed it. "Get out."

Chakotay ignored that. He moved a little closer. "Should I treat you the same way?" He ran a finger down her cheek. "OK…if you want to act like a whore, I'll treat you like one. It seems to be the only language you understand these days where men are concerned."

Kathryn felt her emotions jumble together. She was torn between anger and hurt. "What would you know? You weren't around. You didn't want me and why would you. You had your blond, half my age. Fuck you."

Chakotay grew angry again. "You keep saying that, Kathryn. Do you want me to fuck you and claim you?" He grabbed her tightly. "Maybe I can fuck you sober. You say you want to feel something. I'll give you something to feel."

He pushed her against the counter and kissed her hard, his hands moving from her shoulders to her face to hold her in place. He had no intentions of going any further and just wanted to make some kind of point. That changed though when Kathryn suddenly began to respond to him. Her arms came up around his neck, pulling him to her. He yelped when she bit angrily at his lip.

He pulled back and looked down at her and felt himself falling into her eyes. Time fell away as he stared into the blue depths. "Are you sure about this, Kathryn? Because if I once start on you, what I do to you will forever live in your memory…drunk or not. I'll make you feel."

Kathryn was breathing hard as she pulled at him, her eyes on his lips. "Oh God, yes…make me feel. Make me feel alive again." Her words and how she said them ignited something in Chakotay. While she was drunk from alcohol, he felt just as drunk with lust. In the back of his mind he knew it shouldn't be like this, that it wasn't how he'd dreamed of their first time. None of that mattered at the moment though, as his body made the decision for him.

He kissed her hard again, his hands sweeping up and down her body. He pulled back, his hands going to the front of her dress. It didn't stand a chance as he ripped it open, exposing her to his eyes. His desire went up another notch as he tore open her bra, his eyes feasting on her breasts. He glanced to the side and saw a bottle of syrup and without knowing why, he grabbed it and poured it over her chest.

Kathryn's reaction urged him on as he spread the stickiness over her breasts then proceeded to lick it off her. Her head fell back as the feelings surged through her and she grabbed for the edge of the counter to hold herself upright.

Pure animal instinct took over as Chakotay pulled her away from the counter and pushed her towards the kitchen table. He grabbed a container of cooking oil on his way and threw it into the table. With one arm, he cleared half the table, cups and plates crashing to the floor. He lifted Kathryn onto the wooden surface and pushed her skirt out of the way before tearing away her panties, leaving the rest of her clothing hanging from her body. He pressed her backwards and reached for the oil, pouring it between her legs.

Kathryn gasped at his actions, her thoughts swirling. All she cared about though was what was to come.

Chakotay tossed the oil aside and slipped his fingers through the slick liquid. Kathryn cried out at the contact. She tried to reach for him but he was the master tonight. He shoved her back again and onto her side, one hand still between her legs. He pushed her legs up, placing her in what resembled a sitting position, then raised her upper leg, resting it on his shoulder. His body pressing against her legs and the table held her in position and gave him full access to her.

Kathryn gripped the edge of the table as his hands worked magic on her. She felt him spreading the oil all around and inside her. In her current position, she couldn't move very much but the feelings his hands evoked compensated for that.

Chakotay pressed his fingers into her tight heat, the oil easing their entrance. Each movement Kathryn tried to make only encouraged him to push deeper. He felt himself rock hard in his pants and rubbed against the edge of the table to ease himself. Kathryn's moans and groans weren't helping.

Another impulse overtook him as his eyes settled on a glass object which one of Kathryn's flailing hands had knocked over, one of the few things still remaining on the table. A leer crossed his face as he recognized an old-fashioned mortar and pestle. He grabbed for the pestle and rubbed it against Kathryn's clit. She moaned louder, squirming on the table now. He coated the pestle with oil, running it the length of her before pressing it deeply into her.

Kathryn screamed out at the delicious invasion and climaxed almost immediately. Chakotay continued to thrust it in and out, words pouring from him. He had no idea where they came from. "Do you like that? Is this what it takes? Do you need to be fucked like this?" He carried on for another minute before discarding the pestle and freeing himself. He lowered Kathryn's leg and rolled her onto her back, spreading her legs around his waist. Unable to stand it any longer, he pulled her towards him and impaled her on his hardness.

Kathryn screamed out again, her fingers clawing at air. Her back arched as she felt the onset of another orgasm. Chakotay increased his pace, pounding her now as he worked towards his own release. With a roar, he exploded within her, her orgasm triggering his own, then fell over her, panting and sweating.

He finally came to his senses and raised himself from the table, his body slipping from hers. He looked down at Kathryn beneath him and saw that she'd passed out. Remorse slammed into him for a moment as the realization of his actions became clear. "Oh God…"

Reality returned as he looked around at the mess he'd created. Kathryn lay sprawled on the table, her head to the side. Chakotay reached for the remains of her dress and covered her. "I'm sorry."

He pulled himself together and slipped himself back into his pants. Not ready to face his private post mortem just yet, he concentrated on the practicalities. He lifted Kathryn off the table and carried her into her bathroom. Feeling awkward about it, despite what they'd just done, he slipped the remains of her clothes off and propped her against the wall while he undressed himself. He activated the sonic shower and lifted her into the cubicle, standing in himself to hold her up. A water shower would have been far more welcome but he didn't want to wake Kathryn.

When they were both clean, he carried her into the bedroom and lay her down on her bed. He found her nightdress under her pillow and slipped it on her, then placed her in bed and covered her.

With that done, he replicated a dressing gown for himself and set about returning Kathryn's kitchen to its previous state. He crossed between smiling and frowning as he worked, easing himself into his thoughts.

Eventually the apartment was back to normal. Kathryn's clothing was ruined but he was able to clean up his own. Finally, he padded back into the bedroom and pressed a hypo he'd replicated to her neck. She murmured in her sleep but didn't wake. He knew she'd have one hell of a hangover in the morning without something. He then pulled a chair up beside the bed, sat back and watched a sleeping Kathryn.

He gave free rein to his thoughts now. He debated leaving, asking himself would he leave a note or not, then wondered how Kathryn would react if he stayed. His thoughts went around and around, yet he knew he'd stay until morning, wait and face her when she was sober.

He feared how she'd react. Would she throw him out or at least listen to him and the apologies she deserved? He ran a hand through his hair, believing he'd ruined things between them, betrayed Phoebe's trust in him, and abused Kathryn's too. Eventually towards dawn he fell asleep in the chair, the light still on.

Chakotay woke the next morning, not sure where he was or what had woken him. He sat up stiffly and rubbed at his eyes. When he managed to focus, Kathryn was lying there staring at him, her expression unreadable. He straightened up slowly. "Kathryn, let me explain…"

She stared at him a moment longer and then sat up, something she immediately regretted. Her hands went to her head. "Oh God…"

Chakotay sat forward. "Take it easy. That must be some hangover."

Kathryn nodded slowly. "It's not as bad as usual." She looked deeply embarrassed at that.

Chakotay just smiled kindly. "I gave you a hypo last night but I guess it wasn't strong enough. Hang on. I'll get another." He stood up and moved towards the door.

Kathryn called after him. "Some water please."

He smiled back at her and nodded. "One hypo and one cold glass of water coming up."

Kathryn didn't return his smile and just eyed him warily.

When Chakotay returned, Kathryn was sitting out on the side of the bed, a dressing gown around her shoulders. She nodded her thanks for the water and allowed him to administer the hypo. He saw it begin work almost immediately.

He sat back down and watched her carefully, almost afraid to speak and not knowing where to start anyway. Kathryn sipped at her water, as memories of the previous night came back to her. Chakotay practically saw them click into place. Finally, she met his eyes. "You brought me home." He nodded but said nothing. "How did you find me? How did you know where I lived? How did you know my entry code?" Her questions came thick and fast.

Chakotay sighed. She deserved the truth. "You were too drunk to get home on your own. As to your address and entry code, your sister came to see me and she gave them to me. She also suggested where I might find you."

Kathryn looked livid. "My sister spoke to you about me? She had no right…no business."

Chakotay sat forward. "She loves you. She cares. And so do I."

Kathryn's anger was replaced with a cynical laughter. "Do you? Even after you've seen the way I was last night?"

Chakotay just looked sad at that. "That's the past, I hope." He sat forward. "Kathryn, talk to me. Let me in."

She placed her glass down on the bedside locker. "Oh, I'd say you were pretty 'in' last night."

Chakotay looked horrified and ashamed all at once. "Kathryn, I don't…" He sighed heavily. "I need to apologize for last night. I need to apologize for a lot of things. What I said to you…the way I acted…what I did… I took advantage and…abused your trust…your sister's trust and faith in me…"

Kathryn stared hard at him. "Don't worry, Chakotay. It was consensual. I remember enough of last night when we got back here to know I wanted what happened. You've no worries there."

He shook his head. "But you weren't yourself…"

She looked away a moment. "You can say it. I was drunk...very drunk." She met his eyes. "I'm sorry too….that you saw me like that. Last night was… It got out of control. It was out of my control. It's never been like that before. I put myself in a bad situation and if you hadn't…" She met his eyes briefly. "Thank you for that."

Chakotay gave a small half smile. "You're welcome."

Kathryn barely nodded then concentrated on her water. She took another drink. "You said my sister came to see you? Talked to you about me?"

Chakotay sat back and nodded. "She came to see me because she was worried about you. She hoped I could help. She said you were drinking a lot…didn't come home at night…that you'd moved out. She loves you. She was afraid for you. She told me…"

Kathryn laughed sarcastically at that. "I can imagine what she told you. My sister's an artist. She has a flair for the dramatic. I know what she thinks. By her reckoning, I get bombed every night, fall into anyone's bed and let strangers screw me. Lovely. Nice to know she thinks so highly of me. Well, it's not like that.

Chakotay shook his head sadly. "What is it like? Where do you go?

Kathryn ran her finger around the rim of the glass. "Some nights I simply walk and don't drink at all, but yes, other nights, I just want to forget, so I drink. A woman drinking alone is never alone for long though. I know the image I portray…so I'm never short of male company. Sometimes I welcome it…mostly not…and yes, sometimes, very occasionally, I go home with someone." She looked at him, her expression sad yet determined. "I spent seven years practically living like a nun out there. Finally, the woman in me was free. I have needs, Chakotay. Before the Delta Quad I had an active and healthy sex life. I have physical needs too."

She shook her head and looked across the room. "For the most part though, on the nights I stay out, I check into a hotel…alone. I prefer it to coming back here. Phoebe just assumes I get drunk every night and let any man have me. Last night probably has you thinking the same."

Chakotay shook his head sadly. "It's not my place to judge you, Kathryn. I was just worried. You were pretty out of it and…

She looked down at her feet, sliding her feet in and out of her slippers. "Yes, I know. Last night was… I never get so drunk that I don't know what's happening…until last night, that is. That's scaring me. I've never had a blackout before."

Chakotay let his concern show. "What do you remember?"

Kathryn shrugged. "Going out…finding that bar…somewhere to get a drink. It sounded alive…lots of people. Hearing the singing, the music… I know I got up…" She closed her eyes, mortified. "Oh God, you heard that?"

Chakotay smiled. "Yeah. It wasn't too bad. We left before knowing if you won though." He grew serious again. "What else?"

Kathryn looked down at her hands. "Only parts of it. People talking to me…" She glanced at him. "Yes, mostly men… Being at the bar…him… It's a bit of a blur after that…well, a lot of a blur. At the bar and after is mostly a blank, in fact…vague snatches here and there…some room…him there…pawing at me…someone pulling him off me… I don't know…bits of walking or being half carried home… I remember being at the door and you opening it…" She took another drink of water. "Everything else…in the kitchen… I remember all of that but some of it is like someone else's memories. Does that make sense?"

She looked across at him and saw his embarrassment and remorse. "Kathryn, I'm so sorry for last night…."

Kathryn sat forward. "Chakotay, I knew what I was doing, if that's what you're worried about. I told you it was consensual. I was just doing it without my usual inhibitions."

He didn't seem to accept that. "Kathryn, I practically raped you…after what almost happened earlier…and I just…"

She wasn't accepting that. "No, Chakotay. I wanted you. I don't regret that. If you walk out that door right this moment, I'll never regret that. I was drunk, but not that drunk. I had no right though…"

He frowned at that. "No right to what?"

She looked down at her feet again. "What about Seven?" She looked up and met his eyes.

Chakotay sat forward, interlocking his fingers and placing his elbows on his knees. "I'm not with Seven anymore. Besides, it wasn't ever as serious as you seem to think it was." He saw she didn't quite believe him. "I'm serious, Kathryn. It's the truth. It was three or four casual dates. Nothing else."

She looked away and played with the glass on the nightstand. "Is that why you're here? I can't believe you're here for me…that you'd want me…" She risked looking at him.

His expression softened. "Kathryn, I've always wanted you. You just disappeared on me before I got a chance to tell you that." He sighed. "As I pointed out to your sister though, I could have tried a lot harder to talk to you. I just saw all those damn news vids and told myself that you'd moved on. It seemed as if you were avoiding me too."

Kathryn nodded at that. "I was avoiding you, because I didn't want to see you with her." She shrugged. "Besides, you walked away."

Chakotay countered that. "And you watched me walk away and let me. I'm not a mind reader, Kathryn. We were home and you said nothing."

She shook her head sadly. "Neither did you. And you were with Seven."

He shook his head. "No. We broke up before we got home. Had you just asked…"

Kathryn cut across him. "Had you just said…" She blew out a long breath. "Anyway, home wasn't what I thought it would be." She shrugged, lost for a better explanation.

Chakotay watched her sadly. "I thought you'd moved on."

She sighed. "Moved on?" She shook her head. "I tried. I couldn't. They were like holograms…meaningless and empty. I think that was the attraction. No emotions involved. And drinking just…"

She sat back on the bed. "You and Phoebe are both wrong, you know. Yes, I drink, but not every night. I'm really not an alcoholic and there hasn't been a different man every night. The vast majority of those hangers-on you saw on the news vids got a 'goodnight' and a handshake on the doorstep."

She leaned forward and began playing with the glass again, something to occupy her hands. "Later on…well, yes…there were a few then. I'm not proud of that, but I'm not going to be ashamed of it either. I was lonely. I can own up to that…and some nights…" She looked at him and saw that he understood.

"I know. I've been there, Kathryn. We all have. I'm not condemning or accusing you."

She nodded slowly, grateful for his words. "Maybe." She shrugged. "The drinking…well, it dulls it, numbs me. I guess it takes the sharp edges of the loneliness." She looked straight at him. "I'm no lush, Chakotay. Yes, I…what's the term…'frequent bars'…but sometimes the walls can close in on you and being with strangers is preferable to being alone. I'm not in denial though. I drink because I want to…not need to. I guess though…if I'm honest…it's starting to get out of control and I'm sorry you had to see me like that. Last night was the first time I was like that…and it was also one hell of a warning."

Chakotay sighed. "Well, I have my own regrets about last night. I just wanted to help…and see you happy. That's what your sister wants too. However, you're nothing to apologize about. You don't owe me or anyone else an explanation. It can just be damned dangerous and I don't want to see you hurt or otherwise. For myself though, I'm so sorry for the things I said to you. Nothing can undo how insulting I was with you. I had no right…"

Kathryn leaned forward and held up a hand. "No, you were right about last night and where this can go. You spoke the truth and the truth hurts, but I needed to hear it. I guess you're the only one who could make me listen. I certainly wasn't listening to my sister. At this point, you're probably the only one who could make me hear." She smiled at the look on his face. "Oh, don't look so shocked. I can occasionally admit when I'm wrong."

Chakotay smiled also. "You should have bitten the head off me for the things I said to you."

She shook her head. "No…you said what you said because you cared and to get through to me. I know that. To be honest…deep down…I knew my behaviour was… And last night proved… Well, my control over it is slipping. I need to get back that control. I just don't like the alternative.

He sat forward and frowned. "Starfleet? I know you left…retired."

She looked at him sadly. "Is it so hard to believe I'd had enough?" She shrugged. "And yet now…one extreme to the other…from so much order, every minute filled and accounted for…to wandering aimlessly, no routine. I blew it, Chakotay. Common sense should have told me to take some time, ease back into my old life…well, life back here. Instead, I jumped ship and let it all go. I found myself, by my own doing, completely adrift, floating with no direction. My own fault."

Chakotay's smiled sadly at her. "What do you want?

She shrugged again. "I don't know. Work I'll enjoy, a nice home…"

He leaned forward. "A family?"

She managed a small smile, but he saw the tears forming. "Yes. It's not too much to ask, is it?"

He reached for her hand and stroked it. "No, Kathryn, it's not…and I'd like to help you achieve that. I'd love to be a part of it…if you'd let me."

Kathryn laughed slightly. "I get the impression you took the first step last night."

Chakotay smiled sheepishly as he sat back. "And I get the impression you enjoyed it."

Kathryn licked at her lips. "Maybe."

Chakotay smiled softly. "That's what you get for bringing a stranger home with you."

Kathryn looked at him sharply but saw immediately that there was no malice in his words. She smiled also. "Screw you."

Chakotay laughed. "Screw you? That's an improvement. Last night it was 'fuck you'."

Kathryn laughed too. "And you took me up on it." She drained her glass and stood up quickly, intending to refill it. She groaned loudly and sat back down. "And speaking of that, what did you do to me last night?"

Chakotay was immediately concerned and leaned forward, one hand going to her knee. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry."

Kathryn gave a pained laugh. "No, but it was obviously some workout. I just wish I could remember it better…" She thought a moment, a look of deep concentration on her face. "Although it is coming back to me." She frowned and smiled at the same time as she looked at him. "I seem to remember you using something…"

Feeling safer now, Chakotay smirked sheepishly. "I improvised. If I remember correctly, it was…raspberry syrup…cooking oil…your glass pestle…"

Kathryn's eyes widened. "I won't be using that for its intended purpose again."

Chakotay was feeling more and more daring and confident. Matching her new mood, he took a chance. "Guess I'll just have to replicate the real thing then."

Kathryn saw the risk he was taking. She gave him a lopsided grin and bit at her lower lip. Chakotay's smile widened. "I can see that appeals to you." He rubbed his hand up and down her leg.

Kathryn nodded. "You have no idea." Suddenly she grew serious and looked down into her lap. "God…I'm sorry. My behaviour. You must think bad enough of me already."

Chakotay raised his hand and lifted her face so he could see her eyes. "Kathryn, I don't think anything…"

She pulled her head back. "I'm behaving like a slut again. You were right last night." She shook her head. "That's not what any man wants."

Chakotay felt some anger rise. "What THIS man wants is for you to be yourself with me. With ME, Kathryn. I want you for who you are. I just hope I'd be enough for you."

Kathryn looked hurt at that. "Chakotay, despite what you may think of my recent behaviour, I've never been unfaithful to any man."

Chakotay looked horrified. "No…no…that's not what I meant. I just worry that I wouldn't be good enough for you…that you deserve better. I'm an ex-terrorist and…"

It was Kathryn's turn to get angry. "Don't you dare put yourself down. You're the finest and kindest man I've ever known. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you otherwise…" She stopped at that when she saw him grin widely. She smiled also. "Yeah. I love you. Like you didn't know."

Chakotay slipped down onto his knees on the floor in front of her. "It's wonderful to hear it though. I love you too."

Kathryn leaned forward and brushed her lips across his forehead. She felt alive for the first time in months. She also felt daring and confident now. "So then…would you care to show me what we did last night? Refresh my memory?"

Chakotay took her hands in his and kissed her fingers. "You want me to show you in the cold light of day?"

Kathryn was enjoying their new playfulness. "If you think you'd be 'up' to it." She looked down at herself. "I'll need my shower first though…" She looked up, suddenly realizing something. "Oh…how did I get…? I mean…"

Chakotay smiled as he remembered. "You passed out on the kitchen table." He saw her shock. "And while I'd like to think it was my performance, it was probably what you'd had to drink." He laughed to ease any embarrassment she might feel. "I cleaned you up…" He smirked. "Actually, I shared a sonic shower with you. Then I put you to bed. I found your nightdress under your pillow. I also used your replicator for this." He indicated his dressing gown. "I'm afraid your dress is a goner though."

Kathryn blushed deep red and closed her eyes. "God, you really saw me at my worst."

He squeezed her hands. "Well, what I saw certainly wasn't your worst. In fact, I thought it was damn good."

She looked at him, her smile to thank him for making this easier.

He smiled back. "Kathryn, don't ever be embarrassed with me. Please. We've shared too much."

She raised his hands to her lips and kissed them. "Thank you." She dropped her head to the side. "And thank you for last night too…all of it."

Chakotay stroked his fingers over the back of her hands. "Sorry I wasn't better for you. I wasn't at my best. It was over pretty quickly. I was tired so my performance was somewhat lacking…aside from the fact that you got me too worked up."

Kathryn's eyes widened again. "You call that lacking? Would I survive more?"

He pretended to look smug. "Well, you may have trouble walking for a while."

Kathryn laughed at that. "You're that sure of yourself?"

He leaned forward and brushed his lips to hers. "Do you want breakfast before or after?"

Kathryn closed her eyes at the feel of his lips on hers. "Oh, I think after. I'm not known for my patience."

He pulled back from her. "Go have your shower. I need to use your replicator." He saw her eyes darken with passion and his heart swelled. "Go on now." He stood and pulled her to her feet. He swatted her behind. "Make sure you wash behind your ears."

Kathryn backed away towards the bathroom. "Chakotay?" He frowned at the vulnerable look on her face. "I am awake? This isn't a dream?"

He smiled lovingly at her. "You're awake, Kathryn…and this is real. Now go."

Kathryn soaped herself and let the water stream down over her body. Her mind was clear now but she still found it hard to believe what was happening. She whispered to herself. "Let him be real. Let all this be real."

She didn't hear Chakotay step into the shower behind her and jumped when she felt him press his body to hers. His mouth nuzzled her ear. "I told you it was real. Doesn't this feel real?" He slid his hands around her and tweaked her nipples. Kathryn jumped and caught her breath at the sensation.

He stopped then. "Kathryn, before this goes any further." He gently turned her head so he could look her in the eye. "I know last night and all…but…are you sure about this? If you change your mind or don't want to…"

She stared back at him and shook her head. "No, Chakotay. I was sure last night and I'm even more sure now. I want this. I want you."

He read the sincerity in her eyes and smiled lovingly. "All right."

Satisfied, his hands moved lower, one sliding straight down, the other moving around her back. His foot tapped against her ankle, silently asking her to spread her legs. He stepped to the side then and moved his hands lower and lower, until they met between her legs. From there he walked his fingers back and forward over her.

Kathryn dropped her forehead against the tiles and moaned loudly. "This better be real."

He moved around behind her again. He removed his hands as Kathryn moaned in protest. "Patience now." He raised her hands over her head and placed them flat against the tiles. "Stay that way for me." He leaned his body against hers, pressing her against the shower wall and she felt his erection against her. "Let me show you…give you just a brief taste of what's to come…" He sucked her earlobe as he whispered to her. "Just tell me if anything upsets you or you don't want something."

Kathryn had her head to the side, her cheek against the cool tiles. "Nothing…not with you…"

Chakotay wanted to be sure though. He ran his hands up and down her back then eased her hips away from the wall, pressing her upper body against the wall. His foot nudged her feet further apart and he heard her moan once again.

"Just tell me…" His fingers played over her folds, leaving Kathryn wanting to scream. She pressed her breasts against the wall, trying to slide her nipples against the tile edgings and grouting in a vain attempt to stimulate herself.

"Oh God, Chakotay, please…."

He pulled his fingers away a moment, leaving her almost crying. "Patience, honey. This is merely a research trip." With that he returned his hands between her legs and pinched the small bundle of nerves hidden there.

Kathryn jumped and cried out. "Please…" She cried out again when he slid first one, and then two fingers into her. She pushed back against him, trying to ride his fingers but he pulled away, leaving her wanting to scream.

"One last thing…" Kathryn tensed then when she felt a finger press against her rear entrance. She was about to tell him 'no' when he pressed his little finger into her. The unexpected jolt of arousal caught her completely unaware.


His mouth was back beside her ear. "Tell me truthfully, Kathryn. Have you done this before?"

She shook her head as best she could. "No…"

He moved his finger slowly in and out of her. "Does it hurt?"

She found herself pushing back onto him. "No…it's… Oh God…" Her rapid breathing told him all he needed to know.

He pulled his finger from her and ran his hands over her bottom. "OK, honey. Finish your shower. I'll be waiting outside for you."

By the time she turned around, he was gone. Kathryn never finished a shower faster in her life.

Kathryn stood in the bedroom doorway and stared around the room in amazement. The curtains were drawn, the morning light barely showing through them. Instead the room was lit by candles which burned on almost every surface.

Chakotay sat on the bed, arranging some items on the bedside locker. He looked up and smiled at Kathryn as she moved towards him, a towel held tightly around her body. "Enjoy your shower?"

He almost growled at him. "It could have been a lot better."

Chakotay grinned at that. "All in good time." He appeared naked but a pillow covered his lap. Kathryn leaned forward, trying to see beneath it.

Chakotay pressed it against himself. "Time for that later. This is about you first."

Kathryn stood there, suddenly shy now. Chakotay sensed it and reached for her hand. "Kathryn, you know you can trust me. I'd never hurt you. If anything upsets you, we can stop at any time."

She shook her head and smiled down at him. "No. I've wanted this for so long. I just don't want to disappoint you again."

Chakotay frowned. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, clutching the tower a little tighter. "Last night… It was hardly exciting for you…a drunk and…"

Chakotay stood up now, his pillow falling to the floor, and pulled her to him. "Kathryn Janeway, you were more than exciting last night. You could be comatose and you'd excite me. Why do you think it all happened so fast for me? I'm just worried I won't be able to make it last for you this time."

Kathryn leaned up and kissed him. "I love you and you love me. Loving each other, physically and emotionally, in any way, is what matters. This isn't about anything else."

He kissed her in return. "You're right…so let the loving begin." He turned and pointed to the bed. "Lie down for me please. Face down."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at that. "You have this all planned?" She looked at the objects on the nightstand and her eyes grew wide. "Oh…you really do…"

At that, Chakotay prised her fingers from her towel and let it drop to the floor. "Yes, I have. I'm going to show you what we didn't get around to last night…and all the times I thought about this on Voyager…so be prepared."

Kathryn stepped back, letting him get a full view of her, and in the process getting one of her own. She nodded slowly and licked at her lips. "I can't wait."

Chakotay gently pushed her into the bed. "Well, you'll have to. I'm going to take my time."

Kathryn lay on her stomach with her eyes closed as Chakotay massaged the soothing oil into her skin. He worked from her toes, up her legs, to the tops of her thighs. He then worked on her hands, his fingers massaging up her arms to her shoulders.

As he worked on her shoulders, neck and back, Kathryn murmured softly. "You'll have me asleep."

Chakotay chuckled. "That's OK. You'll wake up when I'm ready for you." His hands slipped through the oil up her neck and then into her hair, his fingers massaging her scalp.

Kathryn sighed deeply. "That feels so good."

Chakotay pulled at her gently and turned her over. "It's my pleasure."

He began working on her front, starting at her toes again and working his way up her legs. Kathryn squirmed as he neared her centre but he refused to go there. "I told you. Patience."

Kathryn almost growled at him. "Easy for you to say." She closed her eyes, feeling herself getting lost in a dream like state as he worked over her, hands and arms again, then onto her shoulders and neck. She sniffed the air as he spread more of the oil over her stomach now. "That smells good."

Chakotay grinned. "And it's edible…"

Kathryn managed to open her eyes and saw his grin. "That sounds interesting… Oh yes…" His hands had reached her breasts now, working in diminishing circles.

Chakotay pinched at her nipples, causing Kathryn to arch her back. "It means I can lick it off you afterwards." He worked down over her stomach now and finally to where she wanted him most. He slipped his fingers between her legs and out again, teasing her. "Easy, Kathryn. This is supposed to relax you."

She moaned loudly. "With you doing that?" Her hands gripped the bedspread as he tortured her. "Oh, please…"

She felt him climb onto the bed and sluggishly opened her eyes.

"Well, seeing as you beg so nicely." He reached for her ankles and jerked her legs open.

The sudden movement made Kathryn's breath catch in her throat. "Oh, God…yes…"

Chakotay smirked at her. "Like it a bit rough, do we?"

She grinned back at him. "I like it anyway you give it to me."

He crawled up the bed between her legs. "Careful what you wish for, Kathryn." With no warning, he dropped himself down and devoured her, his mouth working over her folds.

Kathryn screamed out and bucked against him. His fingers spread her open and he fed from her, lapping and nipping at her as she continued to cry out. When the first climax slammed into her, she almost passed out.

Kathryn lay panting before him, her eyes half closed. Finally, she found the energy to roll to the side. She reached for him, her hand closing around his hardness. "Your turn." She sat up, intending to go down on him as he had on her, but he gently pried her hand away from him.

"Later…or next time. I'm not finished with you yet." He pressed her onto her back and kneeled up between her legs. He then began to lick the oil from her body, suckling long and hard at her breasts, leaving Kathryn gasping. Finally, he moved down her body. His hand slipped between her folds and he pressed a finger inside her, testing her readiness.

Kathryn watched him lazily. "I'm more than ready for you after that."

He smiled down at her as he wriggled two fingers inside her. "So I see." He withdrew his hand and kneeled up between her legs, then grabbed her feet, pressing them under his arms. He then slowly leaned forward, the movement pressing Kathryn's legs down and apart, opening her wide to him.

Kathryn stared up at him in amazement. "Where did you learn that one?"

He held her feet under his armpits and smiled down at her. "Maquis tricks." He pushed down a little more and using one hand, stroked his thickness against her. Kathryn closed her eyes at the sensation and mentally prepared herself for his penetration.

She was almost bent double when he began pressing into her. He played the tip of his erection in and out in shallow thrusts for several minutes, driving Kathryn insane with wanting. "Oh God, Chakotay…please…you're killing me here…"

He gripped her ankles tightly. "You want more? Are you sure?"

Kathryn panted as he worked her. "Yes…yes…" And then she screamed as he slammed himself deeply into her in one almost brutal thrust. Tears poured from her eyes as he pulled back and plunged in again, his penetration deeper than anything she'd ever known. Her head thrashed back and forth. "Oh God…so deep…"

He stilled a moment. "Am I hurting you?"

She mumbled her answer. "Mmm…more…oh…"

Reality ceased to exist for Kathryn as Chakotay rode her, pulling out and slamming into her repeatedly. She felt sure he'd split her in two and gripped the bedding to try and hold herself in place but his grip on her ankles held her to him.

It built slowly until he shifted himself, pulling her legs a little higher, changing the angle of his penetration. What happened next slammed into Kathryn like a shuttle. Her eyes flew open as he hit her G spot and she screamed out in ecstasy as her second orgasm possessed her. Her upper body lost all control as she thrashed against the bed, every nerve ending in her body feeling as if it was on fire.

She was vaguely aware of him lowering her to the bed and pulling himself from her body. "You didn't…you're still…"

He grinned as he pulled her up against him. "Let's just say I took out a little insurance to make sure I gave you the time of your life." He laughed when she frowned. "A harmless little hypo. It prolongs things…gives me and nature a helping hand."

Kathryn shook her head, still trying to bring her breathing under control. "I'm not sure I can keep up with you."

He pulled her against him and sat her on his lap. "Let's have fun finding out then." He sat on the edge of the bed and turned her on his lap, facing away from him. "Ready for more?"

Kathryn tried to turn but he held her around the waist. He lifted her then. "Slip your legs behind you…around my waist." Obediently, she did as he asked. He stretched his legs out towards the floor and pushed her down so her head was against his feet. "Turn your face to the side and grip my ankles."

Again Kathryn obeyed. "Another Maquis trick?"

He stroked a hand over her bottom. "You could say that. This way gives me full access to you." He sat up a bit more and slid her down his legs a little, brushing his glistening penis against her opening.

Kathryn felt him against her and drew in a deep breath. She moaned when she felt him slip inside her, barely penetrating her. She groaned deeply as he pulled her back up his legs, his penis slipping more deeply into her. "Oh God…that feels so good…" She hung onto his ankles and tried to push herself back against him but her arms began to give way. Chakotay saw her predicament and gripped her hips tightly. He pulled her against him, penetrating her fully now and Kathryn cried out as he filled her.

Chakotay took over then, Kathryn incapable of helping him. He sat up a little more and basically used her body to masturbate himself, although Kathryn was getting plenty out of the experience too. She held on as he slid her up and down his legs, her eyes closed as she savoured the experience.

And then her eyes snapped open as she felt one hand leave her hip, only for a finger to press against her anus. She took a deep breath and waited, but he only pressed against her, without entering her. She knew he was preparing her and went with it.

Chakotay continued for another minute or two before slowing, almost stopping. He gripped her hips again, and with amazing strength, lifted his legs with her lying on them, up onto the bed.

Kathryn felt more comfortable this way and was able to rest her arms on the bed. They were still joined and she enjoyed the feeling of him embedded in her body. He didn't move, but simply ran his hand over her bottom, a finger pressing against her again.

Kathryn waited as his hands withdrew. She heard him fumbling for something on the locker and gripped at his ankles again. She jumped when she felt something cool and wet being applied to her. "What's that?"

He spread the lubricant over her. "Something wonderful. Trust me."

Kathryn nodded. "You know I trust you." She tensed when something hard and cold pressed against her anus. "Chakotay…"

He pressed against her but didn't penetrate her. "I'll stop if you want."

She took a deep breath. "No…it's OK…I'll say if…"

He continued to press against her. "It's not your pestle. This is the real thing." He pressed a little harder. "Relax as much as you can." He withdrew the hard object and pressed his finger against her again, barely entering her with it. He played with her this way for a minute before going a little deeper, working her tight entrance. He then pressed a second finger inside her, scissoring them and loosening her for him.

Finally satisfied, he withdrew his fingers and replaced them with the glass dildo. Kathryn readied herself. "Go on…" The words were barely out of her mouth when he pressed the curved glass shape into her body. She cried out, the feelings inside her totally unexpected. "Oh…oh…"

Chakotay worked the dildo in and out of her slowly, going a little more deeply each time. "You should feel so full." He pressed the glass in as far as he could and then gripped her hips again, pulled her body against his.

Kathryn dug her hands into the bedspread as he repeatedly pulled her against him, filling her completely. She cried out as she felt the unset of yet another orgasm. "Oh Chakotay…I'm…it's… Oh God…yes…" She felt her inner muscles clamp down on both him and the dildo as the feelings tore through her. She ground her face against the bed and continued to cry out as she felt him let go and roar his own release, his fluid filling her.

Kathryn barely had time to recover before Chakotay was pulling her back up the bed. "Chakotay…no more…"

He smiled down into her face. "I need a little time to recover. No reason for you not to have some fun while we wait."

He stood out of the bed and pulled her towards him, her lower legs hanging off the bed. Kathryn wasn't physically able to object and let him position her as he wanted. He raised her hips and slipped two pillows beneath her. "Lie back, Kathryn. Let me take your body to paradise."

Kathryn licked at her lips, her mouth dry. "Do I have a choice?"

He laughed at that. "Always, but I know you'll love this. Just relax now and go with the feelings."

Too worn out to even move, Kathryn surrendered herself to the man she loved. She knew her hips were well raised off the bed and let her legs hang where he put them. She felt him spread her now, pushing her thighs apart as far as they'd go.

The lubricant didn't feel as cool this time when he applied it to her, spreading a copious amount on her. She grunted when she felt something press against her anus again, something softer and warmer than the glass dildo. Loosened as she was, he pushed it into her more easily this time. She opened her eyes when she heard a clinking noise and felt him push something into her vagina. "What's…" She raised her head when she felt a second item enter her, and then a third and a fourth. "Chakotay…"

He stroked over her stomach as he pressed the items into her. "Hush now. It's perfectly safe. They're called orgasm balls or beads."

Trusting him, and unable to hold her head up any longer, she lay back. "So full…"

He smiled as he worked. "That's exactly how you're supposed to feel…and it gets better…"

Kathryn just moaned at that, her thoughts all over the place. She allowed her body to go completely limp and put all her trust in him.

What followed was an experience Kathryn would never forget. All that existed was sensations she was incapable of explaining. First the dildo in her ass began to vibrate and pulse as Chakotay thrust it in and out of her. His other hand splayed over her stomach, massaging her and rolling her body. Kathryn's eyes flew open as she felt whatever was inside her move around within her tunnel. Her breathing grew ragged as the sensations built.

And then he pushed the dildo deeply into her anus, leaving it to work its own magic. Next thing she knew, he was pressing another vibrating object against her clit and jolts of sensation stabbed up through her. He continued to rotate her hips, the beads inside her stimulating every inch of her insides.

Up and up she floated, nothing existing except the approaching orgasm which promised everything. Chakotay watched her as he worked her body, waiting for the exact moment it happened. His hand on her stomach told him so much, feeling her muscles playing under his fingers.

As it struck, he felt it and removed his hand from her stomach. Kathryn felt it slam into her, her body exploding. And then she screamed at the top of her lungs as Chakotay pulled the beads from her body, each smooth and round item popping from her opening and sending a spasm through her, accompanying the stabbing orgasm she was already flying with.

After that, Kathryn just felt drugged. She was vaguely aware of Chakotay standing at the side of the bed. He removed the dildo from her before pulling her to the edge and impaling her on his newly erect shaft. He filled her in one deep thrust, continuing the shooting spasms she was experiencing. He rode her almost brutally for a minute before pulling out and flipping her onto her stomach.

Kathryn was like a rag doll in his hands. She grunted as he pressed against her anus and pushed in with one stroke. He gripped her hips and continued his pace as Kathryn felt the air being pushed from her lungs. The world spun again as he once more turned her and fell over her, entering her one last time. He slammed against her, building her up with him. With each powerful forward thrust, he battered against her over sensitive clit until she exploded one final time. She barely heard his shout of release and felt his warmth fill her.

When Kathryn finally returned to the world around her, she was lying in Chakotay's arms with her head on his chest.

Obviously watching her carefully, he tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "Are you all right? Was I too rough with you? Did I hurt you?" His face was filled with concern.

Kathryn stretched and groaned, then smiled up at him. "No. I'm fine. You were unbelievable, in fact. Just what the doctor ordered." She settled back against him. "I think I just used some muscles that haven't been used in a long time, if ever."

Chakotay smirked at that. "Fancy a massage then?"

Kathryn feigned horror. "I know where that can lead. Let me recover from this round first." She reached up and stroked his face. "Seriously, that was amazing. And the great sex aside, I do love you. Thank you."

Chakotay pushed her hair back from her face. "As I love you. And you were pretty amazing yourself so thank you too." He played his fingers over her cheek. "So, what happens now, Kathryn? Can I be a part of your life?"

She sat up and studied him. "You really want me? Still want me?"

He sat up with her. "I wouldn't have told you I loved you if I didn't. I've loved you for so long and want nothing more than to share the rest of my life with you."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Is that a proposal?"

He nodded. "Yes, it is." He cupped her cheek. "Kathryn, come home with me. Start a new life with me. I have a cabin outside the city. I just bought it. It's rural but has all mod cons. You may not like it, of course, and we could get somewhere else…"

Kathryn pressed her hand to his lips. "If you made it a home, then I'll love it."

Chakotay choked up and pulled her to him. "I made it a house, Kathryn. You'll make it a home. All that's missing is you."