Disclaimer:  Paramount owns all things Star Trek Voyager.  I don’t.  Only borrowing                 

                     them. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Rating:          NC17.

Summary:     Voyager unexpectedly finds a way home, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay

                      going their separate ways but when Kathryn is savagely attacked and

                      raped by the brother of a dead crewmember, Chakotay comes back into

                      her life to guide her through a slow and painful recovery.

WARNING:   This story contains graphic material of a violent and sexual nature.




“Chakotay.”  B’Elanna ran up to her old friend, concern on her face, replacing the happiness which had been there just a moment ago.  “Chakotay, wait up.”  Voyager’s First Officer stopped walking and turned back.  B’Elanna reached him and stood for a minute, catching her breath.

“Chakotay, where are you going?”  He shrugged.

“Just taking some time off.  We’ve been given leave in case you didn’t notice.”  B’Elanna half smiled.

“I know that.  We’ve been given so much, I can’t take it in.”  Chakotay smiled gently at her.  They were home and the homecoming was beyond his wildest hopes.  The Maquis had been pardoned almost immediately and each member offered a posting with Starfleet, on top of back pay and honours.  He came out of the memory and looked down at the half Klingon half Human woman who had been his friend for many years.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”  She smiled eagerly.

“Tom and I will be doing research on some new ships.  I’m handling the engineering side of things and Tom’s the test pilot.  It’s a great opportunity.  Something I never dreamed possible…”  She looked up at her old friend.  “You?”  He laughed.

“I’ve taken a teaching post.  You’re looking at the Chief Lecturer in the Archaeology and Anthropology Department.”  B’Elanna jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“Oh Chakotay, it’s what you’ve always wanted.”  Her smile slipped a bit and she stood back.  “What about…your other life…?”  Chakotay shook his head.

“That’s a different matter.  I’m heading off now with Susan, going to meet her family…”  He didn’t miss the hurt look on the face before him.  “B’El, come on…please…”  She looked down at the ground and shook her head.

“I just thought…now we’re home…”  She looked up and glanced across the hall at their Captain, standing alone and looking out at the large expanse of gardens, a sad and faraway look on her face.  Chakotay’s voice brought her attention back to him.

“Look B’El, none of us knew we’d get home like this.  It was so unexpected.  Kathryn made it clear when we were out there that a relationship between us was out of the question.  I accepted that, no matter how much it hurt, and I moved on.”  B’Elanna shrugged her shoulders.

“I know that but I always thought that once we got home…  Chakotay you know she couldn’t out there…  but we’re here now…”  Chakotay rubbed at his face.

“You think it’s right that I would just drop Susan and go to Kathryn?  B’El that’s cruel and you know it.  Susan’s been good to me, good for me.  She’s given me a life, a promise for the future.  What kind of man would I be if I just dumped her.  ‘Sorry Susan, but we’re home now.  You’ve been a good diversion but there’s someone else’.”  The Engineer shook her head.

“I didn’t think things were that serious between you two.”  Chakotay sighed deeply.

“They’re not…it’s…  look she’s been there for me.  We have feelings for each other and while it won’t ever be half of what I feel for…  B’El, I have to go.”  He moved away and went to turn then felt a hand on his arm.

“So you’re just going to walk away from her, not even say ‘goodbye’?  Chakotay don’t abandon her like this…”  She saw a trace of anger cross his face.

“I’m not abandoning her, as you put it.  If anyone let go, it was her, not that there was anything there to hold onto in the first place.  Look at her…”  He turned around and looked across at where Kathryn was now speaking with two Admirals.  “She has everything she needs right here.  She belongs in this world, was born to it.  There’s never been room for me or anything else in her life, not really.”  B’Elanna followed his gaze.

“A moment ago she was alone over there.  She was looking out the window with the saddest look on her face…”  She looked back at Chakotay.  He met her eyes and shook his head.

“B’El, she has her life and I have mine.  Just leave it now.  It was a nice dream while it lasted.”  B’Elanna shook her head sadly.

“And Susan Lowe is that dream now?”  He shrugged.

“I don’t know.  What I can say is that it’s real and not one sided.  That’s better than what I had with Kathryn.  In fact, when I think about it, I never had anything with Kathryn Janeway, only what I hoped for in my own head.

“I don’t believe that.”  B’Elanna showed a spark of anger.  “I know how you felt about her, still feel about her.  She knew that too and I honestly believe she returns that love.  She just couldn’t act on it out there.”  Chakotay turned away again.

“Look, I have to go.  I hear what you’re saying but it’s too late now.  It just wasn’t meant to be.  I’ll see you in a month.”  He leaned down and hugged her and then was gone. 

B’Elanna stood staring after Chakotay, even when he’d disappeared around a corner.  She felt a hand on her back and turned to see her Captain, a nervous look on her face.

“B’Elanna, was that Chakotay?”  The younger woman composed herself and smiled.

“Yes Captain, he’s taking his leave now…”  She saw Kathryn’s face fall.

“He’s leaving already?  I thought he might have…”  She forced a smile on her face.  “Never mind…”  B’Elanna gave a sad smile.

“Captain, he…”  Kathryn interrupted her.

“B’Elanna, please call me Kathryn.  I’m really not your Captain any more…”  B’Elanna smiled.

“Kathryn it is but you’ll always be my Captain…”  Kathryn smiled and blinked back a few tears.

“Did Chakotay say…?  No, it’s all right…  Thanks B’Elanna…”  She turned to go but B’Elanna moved in front of her.

“Cap…Kathryn…he’s taken a teaching position here.  He’s just taking some time away until then…”  She studied the older woman’s face and saw deep pain there.

“B’Elanna, it’s all right.  I’m happy for him.  I’m glad he found the work he’s always wanted to do and I’m also happy…”  She looked down for a moment.  “I’m also happy he’s found someone who can give him what I…  I really hope he and Susan are happy together.”  She looked down again, hiding her face.  “I’d better head off.  I’ll see you again and…”  Suddenly she leaned in and hugged B’Elanna.  “Thank you for all you did and all you were out there.”  B’Elanna hugged her back, feeling a slight trembling in the small body she held against her.

“Thank you Kathryn.  You got us all home.”  She pulled back and saw tears running down her former Captain’s face. 

“Not everyone.  I left so many behind…”  B’Elanna went to say something but just then Tom came over, grinning from ear to ear.

“Ladies…what a day…”  He stopped when he saw Kathryn’s tears and his wife’s sad expression.  Kathryn brushed quickly at her face.

“I must go.  I have a lot to sort out.”  She smiled quickly at the young couple.  “I’ll see you soon.”  She was gone before it registered with them.  Tom moved over to his wife and slipped an arm around her shoulders.

“What was all that about?”  B’Elanna shook her head and filled him in.

“I really hoped that things would work out there.  I’m worried about her.”  Tom nodded.

“Yeh me too.  Did you know she put in for a desk job here?”  B’Elanna looked up at him quickly.

“You’re kidding.  I always thought space was where she would want to be.”  Tom shook his head.

“I get the feeling she thought she might have something to stay home for now.”  He wiped at the tears which escaped B’Elanna’s eyes.  “I know honey, but there’s nothing we can do about it.”  She hugged him.

“Let’s just go home Tom.”  He hugged her back and together they left Headquarters, headed for the house they had found just the day before,  sad for their friends but grateful for the life which lay ahead of them.


Over the next month, the time allotted to all Voyager crew for leave, Kathryn spent her days at her old home, sorting through her mother’s belongings.  Phoebe came by occasionally to help but mostly there was strain between the sisters.  Eventually Phoebe’s visits dwindled to nothing and Kathryn found to her own distress that she didn’t miss her.  They were two people connected by blood but nothing else existed between them, outside of some shared memories of childhood and even those weren’t always happy.

Gretchen Janeway had died about a year before Voyager returned home and although Kathryn had been informed of her death through the data streams they received, her grief seemed fresh, now that she was in the house and amongst the old woman’s things.  Memories of happier times waited around every corner and jumped out at her constantly but by the end of the four weeks, she had cleared the house, letting her sister take the furniture.  Kathryn kept very little for herself, only her own belongings and a few keepsakes from the life she had once known in this house.  She looked down at the three boxes which held all she would take with her.

“Not much to show for all those years…”  Her words echoed around the now empty house.  She shook her head sadly and taking a last look around her, walked away.  She transported to the office of the agent who was handling matters for her and handed over all the legal documents and key codes he would need.  She knew the man was watching her, probably having seen faces like hers a thousand times, as people let go of their past.  She finally smiled at him.

“I take it that’s the lot?”  He nodded.

“The new owners will move in tomorrow.  Ownership has been handed over and all legal matters are now closed.  Funds have been transferred to yourself and your sister.”  Kathryn nodded sadly.

“End of an era…”  She saw his sad smile and returned it.  “Thank you again for all your help.  Goodbye.”  They shook hands and Kathryn walked away, leaving everything she had known behind her.  An uncertain future awaited her and she found she actually didn’t care one way or the other.

Chakotay and Susan Lowe spent their month visiting each other’s families and spending time alone together.  Susan was like a little girl on holiday and her mood was constantly up.  Occasionally it infected Chakotay, but there was always a hidden sadness about him which Susan noticed.

“Chakotay, you are happy with me, aren’t you?”  He smiled and brushed her hair back.  They were lying on a beach near her parents’ home in Southern California.  He smiled at her, then sat up, trying to hide how he felt.

“Susan, I’m happy.  If I seem sad from time to time it’s…  You had far more to come home to…  Can you understand?  My family are…”  She smiled sadly at him.

“Oh Chakotay, I’m sorry.  I didn’t think.  I guess I just take my family for granted…”  She saw his serious expression.

“That’s the biggest mistake you can ever make in life, to take someone’s presence in your life for granted, to assume they’ll always be there…”  His voice trailed off as he looked out over the ocean.  “That road leads to a lot of pain…”  He felt Susan sit up beside him and turned back to her.  Her expression was guarded but she looked worried.

“Just who are we talking about here?”  Chakotay heard a warning bell in his mind.  He knew Susan had been only too well aware of the feelings he had carried for their Captain.

“I’m speaking generally.  We, all of us, can take the people in our lives for granted.  I always assumed my family would be there for me.”  He looked at her and saw her expression soften.  “I spent long hours with my father when I was a boy and hated much of it.  I didn’t want to know what he was trying to teach me.  All I wanted was to grow up and get out into the world.  Now I’d give anything for just one hour with him again…”  Susan smiled softly.

“Sorry Chakotay, I understand.  I’ve just never lost anyone who was close to me.  Oh aunts and uncles died, but I didn’t know them well.  My grandparents were dead before I could understand about all that.  I’ve lost some friends but again, they were never close friends…”  Chakotay nodded.

“Think yourself very fortunate.”  They lay back and eventually fell asleep in the warm evening sunshine.


Chakotay reported back to Starfleet at the end of his month’s leave and quickly settled into his new life.  Teaching opened up a completely new world to him and he enjoyed every second of it.  Watching his students’ faces as he took them on a tour through the past, gave him a feeling of fulfilment he hadn’t known before with work.  He gloried in the wonder of discovery he saw on their faces and through them, learned a new appreciation for what he spoke of.

His relationship with Susan Lowe was still ongoing but something always held him back from advancing it.  He sensed her frustration but for the most part, ignored it.  It didn’t help that she wasn’t happy with her work, finding the novelty of being back on Earth wearing off now.  He watched her grow more and more uneasy with the routine of their life and sensed deep down that there was no future for them together. 

He rarely saw Kathryn now and at the end of their first month back at work, had only seen her three times, always from a distance but he knew she had also seen him.  Not once had he had the courage to call to see her and he constantly berated himself for the coward he felt himself to be.  Something inside warned him that if he once spoke with her, his life as he knew it, would be turned upside down.  He thought of Susan and knew what he felt for her would never be enough to sustain a marriage or a long-term relationship but the fear of being on his own again, kept him where he was.

Only once had he spoken of seeing Kathryn to Susan and instantly regretted it.  What followed had been their first real fight, with Susan accusing him of still being in love with Kathryn and how she was only second best.  After an hour of screaming at each other, they had both finally calmed down and made up.  In bed that night in her apartment, Chakotay lay awake revisiting their fight and what had been spoken of.  He listened to Susan’s even breathing beside him and slipped out of bed.

He sat in the living room and looked out the window at the stars, remembering other times and places.  As the sky had lightened, he had returned to their bed, his heart heavy but with an acceptance of his lot.  He stood for several minutes watching Susan  lying before him and shook his head sadly.  He knew night was the wrong time to visit the land of ‘what could have been’.  Pushing the thoughts away, he climbed back into bed and forced sleep upon himself.

Kathryn’s life was about functioning, as one day ran into the next with little to tell the difference between them.  Her superiors were happy with her work, finding no fault with it and for the most part, she was content with the challenges they put before her.  She stayed long hours at her office, having come to hate the emptiness of her small apartment.  At night, she often went for long walks rather than sit in and stare at the walls, many times not returning to her home until the early hours.

Tom and B’Elanna kept in touch with both their former Captain and First Officer and saw how unhappy the pair were, no matter how well hidden.  They saw less of Chakotay now, only occasionally visiting for dinner and B’Elanna knew the reason.  They sat at home one night, discussing their friends.

“I really think Chakotay would like more contact with us.  It’s that Susan…”  Tom shook his head.

“You saw that before I did…”  B’Elanna sighed and looked at him.

“Tom, this isn’t just women’s intuition.  There’s open hostility there with her.  She wants him to herself, doesn’t like him having anything to do with the old crowd and if you mention Kathryn…well you saw her face the last time we were there and I mentioned their time on that planet…”  Tom laughed.

“I remember Chakotay’s face more.  Thought he’d choke on his meat…”  His wife laughed now at the memory. 

“He probably got it in the neck later on.”  She grew serious.  “Tom, seriously though, when we’re there, I feel I have to think about every word I say.  It’s only natural that we’d all tell stories about our time out there.  You can’t do that without mentioning Kathryn.  What does she expect?  Besides, I don’t know what she’s worried about.  Chakotay is living with her, well almost.”  Tom looked puzzled.

“I thought he was living with her.”  B’Elanna shook her head.

“He has a house of his own somewhere he bought a while back so I guess that tells her something.”  Tom blew out a breath.

“Guess it does.  She’s a strange woman.  She seems to want to possess Chakotay yet I get the feeling that this life doesn’t suit her, that she’d rather be off doing something else.  I can’t figure it.”  B’Elanna sat forward and looked around their garden, taking in the flowers she had come to love growing.

“I could be wrong but I get the feeling she just wants Chakotay because she can have him.  Maybe at first it was about more but now…  As to him, I think he feels what he has is better than being alone…”  Tom nodded and took his wife’s hand in his.

“Talking of being alone…”  B’Elanna nodded at him, both of them knowing exactly who he meant.  “She worries the hell out of me.”  Tom didn’t try and hide how he felt and B’Elanna squeezed his hand.

“I know Tom, me too.  We’ve been there twice to see her and she’s only been here once.  I got the feeling that seeing what we have upset her too much.”  Tom stared up at the darkening sky.

“I know what you mean.  I got that feeling too.  The famous mask was in place all night.”  He leaned forward, taking B’Elanna with him.  “She seems so…sad I guess…”  B’Elanna nodded beside him.

“I’ll tell you what worries me the most…”  Tom looked around at her.  “Her late night adventures or whatever you want to call them…”  He nodded.  “Tom, I’ve called her late a few times, knowing she wouldn’t be home before that, that she always works late and I think that’s to avoid being in that apartment.”  She shook her head.  “It’s often past midnight when I get to speak with her and I always get the same answer, that she was taking a walk.  I’ve warned her of the risks of walking alone so late…”  She looked desperately at her husband.  “I can’t get through to her.  I know she’d rather be out than at home alone but Tom…”  He nodded with sympathy, having no answer.  B’Elanna had one though.

“When I was at the Academy…”  She laughed.  “For the short time I was there…”  Tom smiled at her, shaking his head.  “When I was there, I remember a lecture we had from some cranky old Admiral.  Oh he’d been there, done it all…you know the kind…had the tee shirt to prove it…”  Tom nodded his head, thinking of his own father.  “Well, he spoke to us about bravery versus bravado, courage versus foolishness, his words.  He told us bravery or courage was about having the wisdom and the intelligence to go with it, weighing up the risks against the chances of success and only then, when the sums added up, to go in and be brave about it.  Bravado or foolishness was the complete opposite.”  She sat forward, pulling her hand out of Tom’s, and leaned her head on her hands, her face reflecting the memories she was visiting.

“He told us what often appeared to be bravery was really this bravado or foolishness in disguise.  ‘Beware the reckless man or woman.  They’ll get you killed.’  I never forgot his words and they come to mind now when I think of Kathryn.”  She looked back at the man beside her and saw him frown.

“You think she’s reckless?”  She nodded.

“What else do you call it?  It’s like she has no regard for her personal safety.  The Kathryn of old would have spotted danger a mile off.  This Kathryn doesn’t even look for it anymore, in fact, she seems to go looking for it.”  Tom sighed.

“So what do we do?”  B’Elanna reached for his hand again.

“Keep a closer eye on her.  Call on her more.  Take her to lunch when we can.  I don’t know Tom.  I know what I want to do but I can’t…”  Tom smiled.

“Let me guess.  Get her and Chakotay and lock them in a room together…”  The smile he got gave him his answer.  “Sounds interesting…”  B’Elanna smirked.

“Well you know the way…”  Tom stood and reached down, pulling her to her feet then lifted her into his arms. 

“Oh I know the way all right…”

Tom and B’Elanna kept to their agreement to keep a closer eye on their former Captain but it wasn’t easy.  She rarely accepted an invitation to join them for lunch and only once more came to their house for a meal.  Twice they called to see her but only found her in on one occasion. 

Chakotay and Susan were another matter.  Contact with the couple slowly ground to a halt and although Chakotay spoke with them at Headquarters whenever they bumped into each other, he didn’t make any offer for the four of them to get together.  If asked how Susan was, he usually just grunted an answer, saying that she was fine.

Kathryn’s life continued as always.  She worked her long hours, arriving before her secretary and leaving long after he had gone home, not usually getting back to her own apartment until late in the evening.  She usually forced something into her stomach and tried to sleep or else went for one of her late walks, ignoring the curious stares she often received from those she passed, usually taking their dogs out for a last stroll before bed.  Kathryn could never have answered anyone as to where she walked, only knowing that she always ended up back at her empty apartment and often she would spend long minutes staring up at the darkened windows, before going in.  She never saw the man who lurked in the shadows, watching her every move.


Chakotay stood back and studied his decorating attempts.  After several minutes, he replicated himself some tea and sat staring at the wall where several small sand paintings now hung.  He looked around the room, feeling that finally it was starting to feel like a home.

As he sipped his tea, he thought back over the last month and shook his head sadly.  Susan was no longer a part of his life and despite feeling lonely, he didn’t miss her, which only told him that their relationship had been a mistake.  He knew now it was being part of a couple, having someone to share his life, which he had been seeking and not the woman Susan Lowe had been.  He’d seen it coming to a head and knew it had started the last time Tom and B’Elanna had been for dinner.  As soon as B’Elanna had mentioned New Earth, he had felt the chill from the woman beside him and knew what was to come.

Once they were alone, the fireworks had ignited, leaving Susan screaming at him that there was no escape for them, that Kathryn Janeway would always hound them, even when she wasn’t in the room.

“Of course, she is here really, isn’t she?  She’s always here between us.  She’s inside you and that won’t change.”  Chakotay had shaken his head sadly.

“Susan, I never lied to you about how I felt about her.  She was a part of my life for a long time…”  Susan had merely snorted.

“There was no relationship between you.  You never even kissed her…”  She had studied him closely for a moment.  “At least that’s what you told me but when I hear that Klingon and what she was saying tonight, I have to wonder…”  Chakotay had felt his anger start to boil over.

“First off, that ‘Klingon’ is my good and trusted friend so don’t even go there.  Secondly, I never lied to you.  Nothing ever happened between Kathryn and me…”  Susan had turned on him, spitting venom.

“But you damned well wanted it to and still do.  You can’t let her go can you?”  She glared at him and was met only with silence, giving her the answer she didn’t want.  “The fact that you bought a house for yourself speaks of how much this relationship means to you.  Planning your future, are you?”  Still he didn’t answer.  “You’ve never even shown me the place.”  Chakotay stared hard at her.

“You’re not exactly settled yourself.  You’re constantly restless.  I know none of your friends and any we share, you don’t want to know them.”  Susan glared back at him.

“Only because all they ever talk about is Voyager and the great and wonderful Kathryn Janeway.  She shares our life all the time and you don’t want that to change, well do you?  Tell me you can let her go.”  Chakotay stared at the floor, unable to answer. 

“Guess that’s the answer to that.”  She had stormed off to bed, leaving him with the sofa.

That night had been the beginning of the end.  They struggled through the motions for another week or so but in the end, Chakotay had taken what little he had at Susan’s apartment and left.  The last he heard, she had left also, giving up the apartment and returning to space travel.  A part of him didn’t care but he also wished her well in his mind.  They had shared something for a while, fulfilled a need in each other and he held no malice against her.

Tom and B’Elanna kept up their efforts to keep an eye on Kathryn.  They were amazed to have found her at home tonight and sat with her sipping wine as they chatted about their time on Voyager.  Whether from the wine or the conversation, Kathryn had appeared more relaxed than they had seen her in a while and the conversation flowed, the young couple careful to keep the subject off Chakotay.  Finally Kathryn herself brought up the topic.

“Have you seen Chakotay lately?”  Tom risked a glance at his wife.

“Not much.  He keeps himself to himself.”  He forced a smile on his face.  Kathryn leaned over and refilled their glasses.

“He’s happy though?”  They saw the pain in her eyes.  B’Elanna shrugged.

“I guess so.  As Tom said, we don’t see much of them…him…”  She bit her tongue and saw Kathryn smile sadly.

“B’Elanna, you can mention her name in front of me.  Susan.  I just wanted to know if he was happy with Susan.”  B’Elanna drew in a deep breath.

“I think so.  Kathryn, we haven’t seen them for weeks and only see Chakotay around headquarters.  I get the feeling ‘Susan’ doesn’t like us around.”  Her last sentence dripped with bitterness and she saw Kathryn frown.

“But they seem happy together…  I mean the last time you saw them…?”  Tom exchanged a look with his wife and saw that she was also remembering that evening.  When they didn’t answer immediately, Kathryn filled in the blank herself.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to put you both on the spot like that.  I shouldn’t ask.  It’s really none of my business.  Old habits die hard, I guess.”  They saw the deep sadness on her face before she camouflaged it with a smile.

The evening wound down quickly after that, Tom and B’Elanna sensing that Kathryn was uncomfortable now.  She walked them to the door and waved them off, promising them that she would call later in the week. 

As they strolled down the road to the transporter station, Tom looked up to see a frown on his wife’s face.

“B’El…?”  She was staring at a man across the road, who hurried away as she watched him.  “B’El what is it?”  She watched the man disappear around a corner before turning back to her husband.

“That man…”  Tom frowned.

“What about him?”  Tom had barely been aware of a figure on the other side of the road.  B’Elanna shook her head.

“I’m sure I know him or… There’s something very familiar about him…reminds me… I can’t pin it down…  He was just standing there…watching us come out the door…”  She had stopped walking and stared down at her feet, her mind trying to remember what wouldn’t come to her.  Tom pulled on her arm.

“It’ll come back to you if it’s important.  Maybe he just recognized us…”  She shook her head. 

“No…maybe…but I know him or…  Damn it won’t come to me…”  Tom smiled softly.

“As I say, you’ll remember if it’s important.  Now come on, I’m tired and I have that test flight in the morning.”  B’Elanna started walking again slowly, nodded slightly, but her mind continued to search the memory files there, hunting for any clue.


Chakotay didn’t bother turning up for work the next morning and called in sick, requesting a few days leave, which were granted immediately.  There was little Starfleet wouldn’t do for the Voyager crew, the returning heroes which the media had taken such a shine to.  He spent the day decorating more of his house, trying to make a home for himself.  With nothing else to distract him as he worked, his thoughts had free rein and he pondered his future, reminding himself to check out some archaeological digs he knew were coming up soon.  By the end of the evening, he stood back and admired what he had achieved.  A warm and cosy feeling filled the rooms, which didn’t extend to the one who lived in them.

Kathryn placed her bowl back in the replicator and sighed to herself.  She glanced at the time and saw that it was nearing 22.30.  She wasn’t tired and looked around her at the empty space she inhabited, knowing she had to get out before she went mad.  Grabbing a jacket, she ordered the lights off and set out on her walk, unaware of the man across the road, still watching her.  As she rounded the corner, her head well down and her hands deep in her pockets, he emerged from the shadows, an evil smile on his face as he followed her.  Tonight would be the night.

Kathryn walked for almost half an hour, ignoring the occasional greeting from her fellow late night walkers, most of whom had come to know her by now, seeing her most nights.  It had rained earlier and she enjoyed the scents around her from gardens she passed.  She walked on, entering a darker part of the city now, apartment blocks replacing the houses.  Finally she looked up and decided to head back, ignoring the man who passed her with his head down.  She set off back in the direction she had come, her shoes barely making a sound on the pavement.  She casually studied the reflection of the streetlights on the wet ground as she quickened her pace, feeling tired at last.  She glanced around her and saw that the street was deserted but gave it no more thought.  Her mind drifted to Voyager and the faces which had once passed through her corridors, their images like ghosts now as they passed across her mind.

Kathryn didn’t hear him come up behind her, no warning before the arm came around her and the hand clamped tightly over her mouth.  The fact that she was so shocked and unprepared for the attack, lost her precious seconds and before she knew it, she felt herself being dragged backwards into a dark alley.  She struggled now but the arm around her tightened and the hand across her mouth and nose pressed harder, cutting off her air supply.  Kathryn went limp, making herself a dead weight for her attacker to try and pull but it seemed to make no difference to him.  She found herself pressed against a wall, his heavy body pinning her there, and then a rasping voice filled her ear.

“Don’t fight me Captain.  You’ll only make it worse for yourself…”  Kathryn felt a fist grip her stomach.  Now she knew this was personal, that her attacker had had a target and she was it.  This wasn’t some random street assault where she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Her mind struggled to identify the voice she heard but dizziness made thinking impossible.  As if sensing her battle to breathe, the hand on her face lowered, leaving her nose free and she pulled air into her lungs, her chest heaving.  She stopped all her struggles and stayed still and only then did she feel the man step back from her.

“Turn around slowly…”  She did as asked and saw a man of about forty standing in front of her, a phaser pointed directly at her.

“Who are you?  What do you want?”  She was still breathless and she heard him laugh.  He stepped forward a little so she could see his face and smiled at her.

“Anything come to you?  Recognize me?”  Kathryn studied the face before her, something stirring in the back of her mind but overshadowed by the thought that if he hadn’t hidden his identity, he had no concern about being caught.  Kathryn realized in a moment of terror, that he intended to kill her.  He didn’t hide himself because he knew there wouldn’t be a witness.

“No…?  Nothing come to you…?”  His voice jerked her attention back to him and she forced herself to think straight, trying to control the fear that ran through her.

“I don’t know you…  I thought I…  you’re familiar…”  There was no way to know what answer would be right.  He laughed loudly now.

“Just what I thought Captain.  They really meant that little to you…”  He smirked at her, his eyes narrowing.  “Does the name Elizabeth Furlong mean anything to you?”  A face immediately filled Kathryn’s mind, a dark haired woman in her thirties, always laughing, always happy, until she had been killed, leaving Kathryn in a deep depression for weeks.  Kathryn nodded slowly.

“Of course it does…”  The man in front of her spit on her and Kathryn pressed back against the wall.

“Now do you know me?”  Kathryn stared hard at him, seeing the resemblance and remembering details of Elizabeth’s file.

“You’re her brother…”  He nodded then shook his head.

“Oh yeh, I’m her brother.  I was the only family she had, which means of course that she was the only family I had.  Are you getting the picture here?”  He waved the phaser in front of her.

“David isn’t it?”  Kathryn searched her mind and she saw his surprise.

“Very good Captain, I’ll give you points for that one.”  Kathryn knew she had to try and keep him talking.

“David, Starfleet tried to find you.  I wanted to speak with you when we got back, tell you…”  Her words only enraged him.

“Shut up bitch…”  He stood back a little, trying to calm himself.  “No one ever got in touch with me.  They knew where I was, knew from when they told me about Elizabeth having been murdered by you…”  Kathryn stepped forward slightly.

“David, it was an accident.  I can show you…”  His arm swept out and smashed the phaser across Kathryn’s face.  She cried out and fell back, one hand holding her face, the other bracing herself against the wall.

“I don’t want your excuses or your lies.  She trusted you and you killed her.  You’ve no idea of the pain I’ve been through but you will…  You’ll know…”  Kathryn drew on all the training she had ever had.

“David please listen to me.  I can’t tell you why they didn’t find you but I know they tried.  Just let me talk to you, you’ve no idea how bad I felt…let me try and explain…”  He hit out at her again.

“Try and what?  Try and make excuses, tell me lies to cover your evil?  I don’t think so Captain.”  Before Kathryn’s mind registered him moving, he had lifted the phaser and she saw the beam as if in slow motion before she felt it hit. 

Kathryn felt the pain and then found herself sliding down the wall and heard her attacker laugh.  Her mind raced, trying to understand what her body was feeling.  She felt a tingling run through her and knew that he had just stunned her.  She felt herself land in a sitting position, her body shaking from the effects of the stun as the pain slowly eased.  Suddenly he was standing over her then pulling her to her feet again, her legs refusing to cooperate.

“That was the mildest stun setting but when I’m through with you, you’ll know my pain…”  She vaguely heard his words before the real pain started.  Fist after fist rained down on her as she cried out.  She felt herself falling and then his feet, kicking at her repeatedly.  She tried moving her arms to protect her face but found she had little control over her own movements, leaving her helpless on the ground to be kicked around like a rag doll.  She heard him scream at her, obscene words and others she couldn’t understand.

Finally it stopped and she lay on the wet ground, shaking and in agony, feeling the cold and wet seeping through her clothes as she tried to control her breathing.  She saw him kneel down beside her, laughing at her as he pulled her towards him and rolled her onto her back, her arms and legs flopping uselessly.

“Please…no more…”  Tears flowed from her eyes but he just laughed at her.

“Pain Captain, that’s all you’ll know…”  Kathryn felt him pulling at her and suddenly horror filled her when she felt him rip at her clothes.

“No…oh God…please don’t…”  She tasted blood in her mouth and tried to move her arms to fight him off but she was too weak.  Her mind barely functioned as she felt him rip her blouse and bra open and then tear her skirt.  She gagged as blood filled the back of her throat and swallowed, trying to keep her airway clear.

“Please…don’t…I beg you…”  He pushed his face into hers as his knees pressed between her legs and one hand tore her panties away then freed himself.

“Pain Captain…nothing compared to what you put me through but pain none the less…”  His hand covered her mouth again as he thrust painfully into her and she tried to scream but his hand cut it off.  Kathryn tried to bring her hands up to push at him but her body refused the commands of her mind.  She felt him moving inside her, one hand squeezing painfully at her breast and his weight bearing down crushingly on top of her as she continued to cry, pleading with him in her mind to stop, praying for an end to it all.  Everything took on an unreal quality to it, and as she felt herself close to passing out, he began to falter then emptied himself inside her before falling as a dead weight over her. 

Kathryn gasped in air when he finally rolled off her, her mind in turmoil.  She barely saw him fix himself through eyes which were now swelling.  She cried out again when he straddled her and pulled out a knife.

“Before I kill you, I want to mark you first…”  All Kathryn could manage was to struggle to breathe.  Terror filled her when she saw the knife and then she did scream as he slashed across her chest and neck with the blade.  Once again she tried to raise her hands to protect herself but they seemed to be a dead weight. 

“No one who sees you dead will ever forget…”  He leaned over and grabbed her hair with one hand then brought the blade to her face, slashing at her cheeks.  Kathryn was on the verge of madness as raw agony washed through her.  She thought she heard voices, men shouting but it was in the distance somewhere and then there was a light and the man above her stopped, falling over her face, once more blocking her air.  Within seconds, Kathryn knew nothing more.