Disclaimer:  Paramount owns all things Star Trek Voyager.  I don’t.  Only borrowing                 

                     them. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Rating:          NC17.

Summary:     With things already strained between her and Chakotay, Kathryn finds

                      herself blackmailed into spending the night with an alien leader in order

                      to save her crew.  Afterwards she must deal with the fallout, physical

                      and emotional, as Chakotay and the crew stand back, unaware that their

                      Captain is fighting a battle she is rapidly losing.

WARNING:   This story contains graphic material of a violent and sexual nature.

                        If you are offended by such, please do not read on.  NC17 means                     


NOTE:  This story is based around KJ's A Time To Heal.  Check out her wonderful stories at



Kathryn stood in the turbolift, the doors open, a look of shocked disbelief on her face and watched Chakotay’s retreating back as he stormed off down the corridor.  She couldn’t believe what he’d just said to her.  She stayed where she was for several minutes as the shock gradually wore off, only to be replaced by hurt.  Finally she pulled herself together and exited the lift, walking slowly towards her quarters, his words still ringing in her ears.

She stood in the darkness of her quarters for almost five minutes before she ordered low lighting and forced herself to function.  She changed from her evening dress into her night clothes and replicated herself some tea then just sat and let her mind wander back over the evening, her drink now forgotten as it cooled in the cup.

Calistra was a strange but beautiful planet and Voyager had been here for two days now gathering badly needed supplies, having agreed trade terms which had been more than generous and undertaking the repairs B’Elanna had assured them all could not be put off any longer.  Voyager had in fact just about limped into orbit of Calistra, many of her systems already shut down and they all knew that finding this planet had in fact saved them.  All crewmembers had managed some shoreleave and tonight had been a lavish dinner organized in their honour.  Kathryn and the command staff had accepted the conditions laid down for their visiting this world, acknowledging that it was the Government’s right to say where they could and could not venture on the surface. 

Within an hour of First Contact, terms had been set which stated that certain areas of the capital city where they spent all their time, were off limits and while Kathryn, Chakotay and even Tuvok had private reservations, they accepted the terms, deciding that the Prime Directive applied and that it was the Government’s right, it being their planet, to lay down their law to any visitors.  The fact that they had been promised anything they had asked for and more, could not be overlooked. In actual fact, Kathryn was so grateful, she would have accepted any conditions.

From their first meeting, Kathryn had been aware that one of the senior leaders of this world, Prefect Garan, had watched her closely, making no secret of the fact and she found his constant study of her, left her feeling uneasy.  Throughout the following day however, he was courtesy itself and there was nothing in his behaviour which could be questioned.  Chakotay had called her attention to the matter at the end of the first day but Kathryn had been in no mood for his, as she saw it, fussing and worrying about her and dismissed his concerns.  She had to spend a fair amount of time with the man and the last thing she needed was a misunderstanding about his attentions or a jealous or mother hen First Officer causing problems and so Kathryn had kept their meetings on a firm business footing, telling Chakotay she could look after herself.

Tonight she had spent some considerable time in the Prefect’s presence, having been seated beside him during the meal and then dancing with him later in the evening.  She had been aware of Chakotay watching her closely but deliberately ignored him, letting him know it.  She gave the perfect performance of Captain, well apart from her crew and Garan had seemed pleased with the fact.  She was open and friendly with the man but made sure he received no message he could misconstrue. 

When the evening had ended, Garan had leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, wishing her a good night and stating that he looked forward to their meeting the following morning.  Nothing in his manner was out of place but when Kathryn saw Chakotay’s face as they made their way back to the ship, she knew he’d have something to say about the evening.  They were no sooner in the lift than he gave his opinion.

“I guess now I know what I’ve been doing wrong all these years.”  Kathryn had turned to him, her face telling him he was out of line.

“I shouldn’t be your First Officer and friend or even human for that matter.  I should just have bought myself a planet here in the Delta Quadrant, gotten some cosmetic surgery, given myself a grand title and bought you.  That way at least, we’d have had a one night stand.”  Kathryn’s mouth had dropped open just as the doors had opened.  Without another word, he had shouldered past her out of the lift.

As she came slowly back to her quarters in her mind, she realized she had been crying as she travelled back over the evening.  “Damn you Chakotay, damn you to hell.  How dare you…”  She slammed the cup down on the table in front of her and wiped at her tears.  She knew she’d done nothing wrong and either way, he had no right to tell her how to live her life.  She had often considered a shoreleave romance but knew she would never take that step.  Kathryn Janeway didn’t have one night stands and never would.  For her, sex had to be a part of love, something long term and she made no apologies for it.  It was the reason she had been celibate during their voyage and probably would be for the rest of her life, if they didn’t make it home.  Letting Chakotay in, no matter now much she wanted to, was just something that would never happen because she believed she wasn’t strong enough to love him and risk losing him every time he went on an away mission and so she kept a wall between them.  It never entered her head that she was already in that position.  Leaving her tea, still untouched, she made her way to bed.

Early next morning, Chakotay called to her ready room with the day’s reports and got business out of the way.  Finally, when he made no move to leave, Kathryn looked up and frowned at him.

“Was there something else Commander?”  He shifted from foot to foot.

“Actually Captain, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you last night.  Your private life is none of my business.”  He didn’t meet her eyes.  Kathryn stood and walked around her desk.

“Apologize for the way you spoke to me or for what you said?”  She saw him glance at her.  “Chakotay, just forget it.  I’m tired and I have a long day ahead of me.  There is nothing between Garan and me.  I’m touched that you care but you have nothing to worry about.”  She was determined not to show how much his words had hurt her.  Chakotay just nodded curtly.

“Permission to return to duty Captain?”  Kathryn threw her eyes up.

“Oh for God’s sake Chakotay, stop being like this.  Can’t we just be friends?  I can’t handle anything more, with you or anyone else.  I just can’t run this ship and have a relationship, with your or Garan or anyone.”  He stayed to attention but she saw him soften a little.  “Chakotay, if it makes any difference, if it was to be anyone, it would be you.  I… care deeply about you and you know that.”  She looked up into his eyes.  She loved him and knew it, but acknowledging it privately to herself was as far as it could go.

“Kathryn, I think you lie to yourself.  I think you feel a lot more and need a lot more.  The only thing standing in your way, in our way, is you.  Of course, that would mean taking a chance, allowing yourself to actually feel something…”  Without waiting for permission, he turned and left.

Kathryn spent the morning going over last details with Garan but her mind was on the situation with Chakotay.  Had she been concentrating, she would have seen the way the Prefect was watching her so closely.  When the time came for a break, he offered to take her for something to eat in a part of the city which, up to now had been off limits to Voyager’s crew.  Kathryn had simply accepted his offer, her mind elsewhere.

“Well Captain, all the food stuffs are on board and that just leaves the minerals and parts you need, the most important items I might add.”  They had just left the restaurant where Garan had taken her and Kathryn had barely managed small talk during their lunch and was once more lost in thought.  She snapped out of it when he spoke.

“I’m sorry Garan, I was miles away.  The minerals and parts, yes of course.  We are extremely grateful.  You’ve been more than generous.  Voyager couldn’t have run any more without this.”  He smiled and placed a hand on her back.

“Nonsense Captain, only too happy to help.  Perhaps there is something you could do for us in return?”  Kathryn looked up sharply but met only a friendly smile.  Suddenly a bad feeling started in her gut.

“If there’s something we have you want to trade for, although we can’t trade technology…our Prime Directive…”  He interrupted her.

“My dear, you informed us of that when you arrived.  Actually, our technology is far superior so there is nothing aboard Voyager which would interest us, well not technology anyway.”  He saw her grow suspicious.  “You might have something to trade though.  Allow me to show you something.  We have plenty of time.”  He led her down some side streets until one of them opened into a large square.  Kathryn looked ahead of her and saw large gates with stone pillars which appeared to lead into some parkland where buildings could be seen.  Garan led her to a smaller side gate, nodding to the guard on duty and pointed the way down a long corridor.

“You’ll enjoy this Captain, I sensed that you were more like us from the first moment I met you.”  Kathryn eyed him carefully but didn’t speak.  Suddenly Garan opened a door and led them out into a large courtyard, closing it behind him.  Rows of seating surrounded the main area and only now did she become aware of cheering and clapping from the crowd assembled there.  Garan eased her forward and watched her face.

Kathryn stood rooted to the ground at the sight that met her.  She felt as if she had travelled back in history as she watched the scene before her.  Small groups of men fought either each other or what appeared to be computerized machines, mostly one to one, the men’s battles to obviously survive, brutal and bloody.  She stared, bile rising to her throat, as some won and some lost, their lifeless bodies falling to the ground, their chests or throats ripped out, heads smashed open, often with limbs missing.  They fought with various weapons and blood coloured the ground beneath them.  Kathryn unconsciously pressed a hand over her mouth and turned away from the sick spectacle before her.  Garan’s face filled her vision and she closed her eyes a moment.

“Captain, are you all right?  Was there something you ate that perhaps is making you ill?”  When she opened her eyes, she saw that he was serious, thought that the massacre she had witnessed could have no affect on her.  She was aware of the crowd cheering more loudly now and drew a deep breath.

“Please, can we leave here…please…get me out of here…”  Garan frowned and opened the door again and Kathryn practically bolted through the small space.  She felt Garan’s hand on her arm.

“Captain, what ever is the matter?  Surely the Death Fights can’t bother you?”  Kathryn stared in disgust at the man before her.

“Not bother me?  That is the sickest, most savage…my God, how can you people…?”  She leaned back against the wall, trying to force the scenes of carnage she had witnessed from her mind but the shouts of the crowd could still be heard and her mind refused to banish the images it still held.  Garan seemed surprised and simply shrugged.

“Have you nothing like this on your world?”  Kathryn stared at him in disbelief.

“Centuries ago…  We learned how barbaric it was and became civilized.”  She didn’t even try and hide what she was feeling.  Garan paced a little.

“Captain, I thought you would enjoy this.  I believed in fact, that you were like us.  You disappointment me you know.”  Kathryn slowly shook her head.

“How could you have ever thought that I would…?”  He interrupted her.

“You seemed set apart, didn’t show the same sentimental feelings the rest of your crew exhibit.  I thought you were strong.  You claim to be a Captain, a leader and you acted like one, stood back from those beneath you.  I believed you held good qualities like detachment.  What I understand some of your people would speak of as ‘cold’ or ‘hard’ in someone, we find admirable.  You exhibit those qualities to your crew, even those next to you. What was I to believe?”  Kathryn’s thoughts swirled and she gasped in air. 

“Oh God, is that how you see me?”  Garan just shrugged again.

“That is how you appear.  Are you saying that is not how you are?”  Kathryn dropped her head back against the wall, fighting the tears that she felt starting.

“Is that how they all see me?  This cold and uncaring…”  She was speaking more to herself now.   She saw Garan watching her closely.  “I guess you’re right.  They probably do see me like that, even Chakotay…”  Garan waved a hand in the air.

“What does it matter?  They are simply a crew, workers needed to run your ship.  Why should it concern you how they view you?  Isn’t your goal what’s important here, your own personal objectives?”  Kathryn shook her head.

“It’s not like that.  We’re a team, a family.  I love them all, would die for them…”  Garan laughed.

“Oh Captain, you’d be useless in the Fights, useless on this world.  You’re as bad as the underlings here.  You’re in this position of power and wealth and yet you stoop to the level of those below you?  I can’t even begin to understand you.  Those below us are there for one reason only, to provide entertainment and amusement.  If you can’t see that…”  Kathryn pushed away from the wall and tried to pull herself together.

“Can we please just leave here?”  Garan nodded and led the way.  He was silent as they walked into the square again and back the way they had come.  Suddenly he stopped and placed a hand on her arm.

“The fact that you’ve seen this means nothing to me.  All of Calistran society knows of the Death Fights.  The rewards for the winners are handsome and many of the underlings earn a good living from them, while they last of course.  There is competition between them to take part in the Fights.”  He paused a moment.  “I told you there was something you could trade with.”  Kathryn shook his hand off and stared at him, a feeling of horror starting in the pit of her stomach.  Garan gave a sly smile.

“That First Officer of yours?  He looks strong and healthy.  I’m sure he’d do very well in the Fights, would give good entertainment value.  We even use these underlings for hunting.    Perhaps some of the others on your ship…  What do you say Captain?”  Kathryn just continued to stare at him with horror on her face.

“You can’t be serious?  You…”  Garan started to look annoyed.

“Captain, I am the one who decides whether trade takes place on this world.  I have the final say.  We traded with you, gave you all you required.  We agreed some terms for items in return, well this is the final item.  I require some entertainment and you can provide it.  Of course, if you want to go elsewhere for your trade…”  Kathryn covered her face with her hands, her thoughts racing.

“We agreed…you agreed…you can’t do this…surely your Government wouldn’t…”  Garan roared with laughter.

“Captain, my Government knows of all this, the Death Fights are attended regularly by all the Prefects.  As to this ‘extra’ agreement of ours…  Let’s just say it’s a perk of the job for me.  I’m not forcing you or anyone to agree to this.  I mean, it’s not as if we would attack your ship and take your crew.”  Kathryn’s face showed her fear.  “As to our ‘side agreement’, they’ll never know.  This deal will be private, between us.  The rewards are good for someone like me who provides a competitor for the Fights.”  He smiled at her.  “Just know that you won’t get your goods without my say so.  As to reporting this, it’s my word against yours and who do you think they’ll believe?”  Kathryn used the wall behind her to hold herself up.

“No…no I can’t…I will not let one member of my crew be killed…”  She stared at him, hate and total disgust on her face.  “They won’t die or fight just to satisfy your blood lust…it’s sick and disgusting…it’s…no I won’t…”  Garan just shrugged.

“You haven’t even the energy to leave this planet without our help.  What do you plan to do about that?”  He was unconcerned and showed it.  Kathryn tried to think straight.

“There must be something else…”  She looked at him and saw his coldness.  “I’d rather let us all die out there than…”  She closed her eyes to hide the tears that were starting.  Garan’s voice brought her back.

“Maybe they would all die here instead.”  Kathryn’s eyes shot to his face.  “On this world, going back on a trade agreement results in prison.  Do you really want to see your crew perish in a Calistran prison?  All I ask is some entertainment in return for what you need.  I supply your needs and you supply mine.”  She saw him look her over and a shiver ran down her spine.  “Maybe though…there is something else.”  The smile he gave her was pure evil.

“What…else…?  I won’t let them fight for…”  He moved towards her and trailed a finger down her cheek.

“Perhaps you could entertain me Captain.  It wouldn’t be as good as the Death Fights but enjoyable none the less…”  Kathryn pulled back from him, knowing exactly what he was talking about.  “Come now Captain, where’s all that ‘compassion’ and ‘caring’ for your crew.  You did say you loved them…  Would this not be preferable to their fighting or spending time in our prison…  Of course, you’d still keep all you traded for…could be on your way afterwards.  Think about it.  One night with me in return for so much…”  He threw his head back and laughed.

Kathryn stared at the ground, her mind racing.  Garan’s laughter penetrated her mind, broke through to her.  She raised her eyes and stared at him and the look on his face told her he knew he would get what he wanted.  She knew also that the look on her own told him the same thing.  She had no choice and he knew it.

“How do I know you’ll keep your word?  You could just…”  He slowly approached her.

“You’ll just have to take my word on that.  We’ll finalize terms and add our seals in front of witnesses this evening and the rest of the supplies will be given to you tonight.  Voyager can take on the supplies while you and I…”  He didn’t need to say any more.  Kathryn simply nodded, knowing she had little say in the matter.

Their trade agreement was sealed that evening and Kathryn kept her head down during most of the short meeting.  She sensed Garan’s smile on her the entire time and also Chakotay’s eyes.  When they all stood up to leave, Chakotay approached her.

“Captain, we’ll be ready to take on the rest of the supplies within an hour.  I take it you’ll want to oversee…”  Kathryn shook her head and didn’t look at him.

“You’re quite capable of dealing with that Commander.  I’ll check your report later.”  She finally glanced at him and saw him frown.

“Captain, it’s usual for you to check this personally, with such an important…”  Kathryn saw Chakotay look over her shoulder and she turned to see Garan approach them.

“Ready my dear?”  He smiled with a self satisfied look on his face.  Kathryn saw Chakotay’s eyes go from the Prefect to her and hardened herself.

“Actually Commander, I’ll be spending the night here.  As I said, you are quite capable of loading the supplies.  I’ll see you in the morning.”  She forced herself to meet Chakotay’s eyes and what she saw there almost turned her to stone.  Hurt and sadness turned quickly to disgust and almost hate.

“As you wish, Captain.”  He turned and walked off, not looking back once.

Kathryn blinked back her tears and felt Garan’s hand on the small of her back.  She turned and looked at him, not hiding how she felt.

“Let’s just get this over with.”  She waited for him to lead the way.

“Oh Captain, no need to be like that.  You can actually get some enjoyment out of this too.  I’m not that greedy.”  He laughed and put his arm around her shoulders and led her away.  Neither of them saw Chakotay watching from the doorway, a look of thunder on his face.

Garan acted like a gentleman at first, offering Kathryn drinks.  He had taken her to a lavish bedroom with a small bathroom off it.  Kathryn noticed immediately that there was a large window covered by light material which overlooked the main square in the city.  She looked to see if she could make out Voyager somewhere among the lights but couldn’t.  She noticed too that there was only one door leading into the main room which Garan locked behind them.  The room was lit by low lighting and a lot of the furniture remained in shadow but the large bed was clear to be seen.  She accepted the drinks he offered, needing something to get her through this night and sat with him on a large couch and tolerated his hand caressing her shoulder and neck.

“You know my dear, I won’t let you get too drunk.  I want you to remember our night together.”  Kathryn looked up sharply.  He seemed to read her too well.  “Look, you don’t have to pretend to like me or enjoy yourself.  Personally I couldn’t care less.  As long as you keep your end of the bargain, I’ll be happy.”  He reached back and unclipped her hair, his fingers teasing it out.  “I’ve left some clothing for you in the wash room so if you’d been good enough…”  She just nodded, swallowed the last of her drink and made her way to the small room.

Kathryn closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, praying for the courage to get her through this.  The look of hurt and then disgust she had seen on Chakotay’s face came back to her but she pushed it aside.  It was for him and the rest of the crew that she was doing this, but they would never know that and she didn’t want them to ever know of it.  She shook her head and focused her thoughts on the present, her eyes finding the clothing Garan had left for her.  She fingered the light material and smiled sadly thinking that male tastes didn’t change much from world to world.  It was almost transparent and left little to the imagination.  She changed quickly and tried to shut herself down on the inside, telling herself it was one night and would be over soon, that she could do this and get through it.  She had no way of knowing that this one night would have repercussions which would last a long time.

Chakotay stormed around the ship seeing to the supplies, snapping the head off anyone who came near him.  B’Elanna watched him and finally cornered him.

“Just what the hell is wrong with you?  What did we all do on you that you have to take it out on us?”  Chakotay tried to shake her off.

“Just leave it alone B’Elanna, you don’t want a part of this.”  If he thought that would be the end of it, he was wrong.

“I’m already a part of this and so is everyone else on this ship.  Your attitude with us is making sure of that.”  He mumbled an apology but it wasn’t enough for the Engineer.  “You think I don’t know what this is about?”  He glared at her, daring her to say anything else.  “Listen Chakotay, we all know she’s spending the night with that moron Garan but at the end of the day, it’s her business.  I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry for that but you can’t blame this crew, take it out on them.  They’re all tired and we’ve been though a tough time lately.  If you want to rant off about this, take it to me later or go to the holodeck, but don’t use them.  They all understand how you feel believe it or not, and feel sorry for you.  I don’t think any of them approves of what she’s doing but they respect that it’s her right.  In the end, even though it hurts, you have to do the same.  All I’m saying is, this is not the place and these are not the people to blame.”  She saw his look of remorse and smiled at him.

“You’re right and I’m sorry.  Tell them the same.  I need to put this away until later and deal with it then and I agree with you, I’m taking this out on the wrong people.”  He squeezed her shoulder.

“Chakotay, let it go.  She’s…  Look, you deserve to be happy and this is just…  It’s been years now.  If anything was going to happen…”  Chakotay just held up a hand.

“Later B’Elanna, isn’t that what you said?  This isn’t the time or place?”  She nodded and hugged him.

“Come on, let’s just get this done.”  They returned to work and the crew was grateful that for the rest of the shift, their First Officer was professional with them if nothing else.  They saw him hide what he was feeling and sympathized with him but they knew there was nothing to be done.

Kathryn slowly opened the door and re-entered the bedroom, feeling cheap in the skimpy outfit which barely covered her body.  Garan’s eyes were on her immediately and he came towards her, his eyes raking over her.

“Very nice Captain.  Perhaps this will be better than the Fights after all.”  He ran his fingers through her hair again then gripped tightly and pulled Kathryn’s head back.  His other hand came to her face and he ran his finger roughly over her lips.  “Don’t look so frightened my dear.  I’ll make sure there are no marks anywhere which can be seen when you’re in your uniform.”  He laughed at the look of panic on Kathryn’s face.

“You said nothing about…”  Kathryn raised her hands to her hair, trying to loosen his fingers.

“I didn’t say anything about the details.  You agreed to spend the night with me and what we do with that night is up to me.”  Without warning, he threw Kathryn onto the bed.  “I’ll enjoy this night, you can be sure of that.”