Disclaimer:  Paramount owns all things Star Trek Voyager.  I don’t.  Only borrowing                 

                     them. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Rating:          NC 17.

Summary:     Back on Earth, Voyager’s crew faces a Board Of Inquiry and Kathryn

                     and Chakotay finally find each other as he helps her through a personal

                     crisis.  Someone is watching Kathryn though and decides that she has

                     to die so that he can keep his terrible secret.




Three hours later, they stood in the bright sunlight outside what had been the family home of the Janeways.  Despite the heat of the sun, Kathryn felt herself shiver and Chakotay slipped his arm around her.

“Kathryn, if you’re not ready for this…”  She smiled sadly at him.

“I have to do this.  Putting it off will only make it harder.”  He tightened his arm around her.

“Do you want me to wait here or come in with you?   I don’t want you to feel I’m butting in or anything…”  Kathryn twisted in his arm and brought a hand to his face.

“Chakotay, you are not ‘butting in’.  You’re a part of my life now and…  No…let me re-phrase that, say it properly.  You are my life now.  I always want you with me OK?”  He nodded and smiled.

“Come on.  Let’s do this.”  He kept his arm around her shoulders and they walked slowly up to the main door of the house.

On closer inspection, they could see the last months of neglect showing in the dust and dirt on the paintwork and windows and it saddened Kathryn, knowing her mother would have hated to see her home not looking its best.

The hallway was dusty and smelled of disuse and Kathryn found herself trailing a finger over the hall table, leaving her mark in the dust there.  As she walked around the downstairs rooms, Chakotay stood back a little and watched as her memories assaulted her, memories of happier times now clouded with sadness.  He knew in time these memories would bring comfort and a time would come when their re-surfacing would bring a smile and not tears.

Kathryn slowly moved from item to item, touching nearly everything, as if almost expecting things to speak to her, telling of their own life in this house, sharing her thoughts and memories.  Chakotay followed her silently as she moved upstairs, again moving from room to room and stood watching as she stopped in the doorway of what had been her parents’ room at one time and then solely her mothers’.

As Kathryn entered the last room, she moved into it and crossed to the bed there, sitting down and gazing around her.  Chakotay stood just inside the door and let his own eyes wander over the items in the room.  He knew without asking, that this had been Kathryn’s own room, that these were the same walls which had witnessed the hopes and dreams of the woman he now loved.  He looked at the wallpaper, the curtains, the books lining the shelves beside the bed and thought to himself that these items had known his Kathryn long before he had, that they had seen the growth from child to girl to woman.  His mind wandered as he imagined he saw the girl here, dreaming of her future, whispering her secrets to the walls, sighing over some boy, cramming her mind with all the knowledge she could lay her hands on and then suddenly he also thought of the grief this room had witnessed before as the young Kathryn had shut herself away within its walls, grieving for a father and fiancé who’s deaths she had witnessed, two loves who would never return. 

His attention was brought back to the present and he looked at Kathryn as she remembered her life and the sadness of it all tore at him.  Once more she had come back to this room to mourn the deaths of two loved ones, two who had been there for her last time.  This time, there was only him and he vowed silently to himself that he would be there for her through all of this, that he would never let her slip away like that again.  He gazed around the room once more, seeing a part of the woman before him he had never known before and he wished to himself that he could have known her then.  His eyes returned to the figure sitting quietly on the bed and he crossed to her and reached out his hand.

“Come on love.  They’re not here now.”  She looked up at him, tears spilling over her eyelids.

“I know.  I thought perhaps there might even be some of me here too but…”  Chakotay pulled her up into his arms.

“You’re here in my arms Kathryn.  They’re all…”  He leaned back a bit and placed his hand flat over her heart.

“They’re here, in your heart and in here too.”  He moved his hand and touched the back of his fingers to her temple.  “They’ll always be inside you, a part of you forever.”  Kathryn’s sobs broke and she pulled Chakotay to her.

“Thank God I have you.  I couldn’t manage without you…”  His arms went around her.

“You’ll never have to.

They spent that night at Chakotay’s quarters at Starfleet and if anyone there thought it strange, they made no mention of it.  Most of the staff were used to seeing the returned Command couple together now and always smiled to themselves at the closeness they witnessed between the pair, despite their efforts to hide it before.

Early next morning, Chakotay again returned with Kathryn to her former home and together they got stuck in, dusting off the furniture and many ornaments her family had collected over the years.  As Chakotay helped, he saw Kathryn stop and frown.

“What is it love?”  She didn’t seem to hear him and he moved over to her.

“What?  Oh nothing.  It’s just the dust…”  He smiled at her.

“We’ll clean that up in no time.  Two pairs of hands are better than one.”  She was still deep in thought.

“No not that.  It’s…  Some things are dustier than others and there are marks in the dust in places.  See here on the desk?”  She moved closer to the desk and pointed to where some old books lay, the dust around them disturbed.  Chakotay looked closer.

“ Was there a caretaker or someone coming in?”  He couldn’t think of any other reason why anyone would have been in the house.  Kathryn nodded slowly.

“Of course.  The lawyers would probably have been in, needing to check the place.  I didn’t think of that.”  She shook herself and smiled at him.  He pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“Come on then.  Let’s get back to work.  Enough slacking woman.”  He got a swipe of the cloth she held and laughing together they went back to clearing away the layers of neglect.

Without Chakotay thinking ahead, Kathryn would have worked through the day, not thinking to stop for lunch or even a snack.  Chakotay had noticed the previous day, the lack of a replicator and had thought to bring a small portable one with him.  He made her stop and sit, handing her the plate of food he had prepared.

“My mother never believed in replicators.  She always believed in fresh food, cooking everything herself.”  Kathryn looked pensive as she spoke.

“Obviously she didn’t pass that on.”  A smile broke on her face at his words.

“Very funny, I’m sure.  Actually, that was Phoebe’s department.  I could always be found with my father when he was here and when he was away, either in my room or up the top of my tree outside, a book or padd for company.  I always found that far more satisfying than wasting time doing what a replicator could do faster and better.”  Chakotay returned her smile.

“Tuvok would be proud of that logic.”  They laughed together and the sound rang around the old rooms, which had been silent for far too long.

The following days found them working away together, Kathryn usually in the house and Chakotay clearing the garden, bringing back to life the small flowers and shrubs Gretchen Janeway had spent a great part of her life planting and tending.  Before they knew it, three weeks had passed but the place was developing a feeling of a home again.  Many nights now they slept at the house, always using the large guest room instead of any of the other rooms.  This room felt new to them both and it was an almost unspoken decision between them to use it, as if they were starting fresh.

Mostly Kathryn felt at ease in the house, especially when Chakotay was around but there were a few times when she felt uncomfortable, especially when they returned from having spent the night in the city.  At these times, she always felt something was not right with the place and on several occasions she had stopped in her work and turned quickly, sure that someone was watching her.  Other times, she became almost convinced that items had been moved but eventually shrugged off these feelings, telling herself it was just the strangeness of being back in her old home and back on Earth.

Towards the end of the fourth week, the house was spotless and the garden was almost as Kathryn remembered.  Chakotay came in from his weeding one day and found Kathryn sitting in the middle of the floor surrounded with old holoimages and letters, papers of all kind scattered on the floor around her.  He leaned against the doorway watching her, her face a mask of concentration as she studied some old papers in her hand.

“Kathryn?”  His voice was soft and she looked up slowly, her face showing puzzlement.  “What have you got there?”  He moved into the room and sat on the floor beside her.

“Old images, letters, documents.  Most of it means nothing to me, names I’ve never heard.  It’s almost cryptic.  Mom kept everything.  She was a real hoarder.”  She smiled sadly and lifted some of the images up, showing them to him.  She spent the next hour taking Chakotay on a tour of a family he had never known, a life he had only heard parts of, but because it was all a part of the woman he loved, he drank it all in greedily, digesting every single image and piece of information, wanting to know all there was to know about Kathryn Janeway.  They both noticed at almost the same time that the light was slowly fading.

“Did you get finished what you were doing in the garden?”  Kathryn yawned, passing the action on to Chakotay, who mimicked her.

“Just about.  Not much more to be done out there.  I think someone likes my work though.”  He saw her frown, failing to understand his meaning.  “Probably a neighbour checking out my work.  I found some footsteps in the soil.  Can’t blame them really.  I’ve gotten quite good at this gardening, if I do say so and it’s very satisfying.  I can see why your mother enjoyed it so much.”  The mention of her mother replaced the thought of someone having been in the garden in Kathryn’s mind.  She yawned again and nodded.

“How about we go back into the city tonight? We need a bit of a break and dinner at a nice restaurant would go down well.  Maybe we could even stay the night?”  Kathryn nodded again in agreement at him, leaning back and stretching her arms above her head.

“You’re right.  We both need a break away from here for a while.  Just let me wash up.  My hands are filthy from this.”  Chakotay stood and reached his hand down to her, pulling her up.

“I need a shower myself.  It’s hot work out there.”  He pulled her into his arms.  “Fancy saving energy?  We could share…”  Kathryn leaned up and kissed him.

“I thought you said you wanted dinner.  If we share, we might be here all night.”  He returned the kiss then moved to nuzzle her ear. 

“All night?  You think I’m that good?”  Kathryn laughed and leaned her head back.

“Actually I do but if I tell you that, I’ll only give you a swelled head.”  Chakotay was moving down her neck now.

“Oh honey, it’s already swelled.”  He pushed his hips against her, proving his point and received a slap against the shoulder in reply.

“You…”  She got no further as his lips covered hers and she felt her knees weaken.  Feeling her slip, he reached down and lifted her into his arms.

“One shower coming up.”  Kathryn threw her head back.

“That’s not all that’s up.  Oh all right.  Take me.  Take me.”  Within two minutes they were naked and in the shower, the hot water pouring down over them.  Chakotay leaned back against the wall of the shower, Kathryn on her knees before him.  He groaned out loud as she took him in her mouth and slid her lips up and down his rigid shaft, her teeth gently scraping him and her tongue working magic on him.  He flattened his hands against the smooth tiles, fighting for the control which was rapidly leaving him.  He leaned down and pulled her up, knowing he’d never last this way. 

Chakotay pushed Kathryn back against the wall now, falling to his own knees and worked his mouth and tongue over her hot centre.  It was now Kathryn’s turn to squirm and moan as she felt her climax fast approaching.  Within seconds it crashed down over her and she screamed out his name, her hips bucking against his face as he held her.  Before she had time to recover, she felt herself turned, facing the tiles, Chakotay’s stiff member prodding her backside.  She felt his hand under her leg, raising it and cried out as he surged into her slick passage, filling her completely.  He used one arm around her waist, pulling her back onto him as his other hand assaulted her still throbbing clitoris again.  He pounded in and out of her, his fingers working her until they both came together, his fluid flooding her as she contracted around him.  For several minutes they both leaned against the wall of the shower stall, their breath still coming in heaving pants.  Finally they found the energy to use the shower for its intended purpose and within half an hour they were dressed and on their way.

They spent the next morning strolling around the city, not intending to return to the house until late evening.  They called into headquarters, confirming details of the three-month leave all the crew had received and finalizing details of back pay and future assignments.  Chakotay had elected to take a teaching position at the Academy and Kathryn opted for a desk job, the call of space no longer what it had been.  She knew she wanted a home life now with Chakotay, a base from which to build a life for them both and in time, maybe a child.

As they were leaving, they bumped into Harry Kim and spent several minutes chatting to him.  Kathryn suddenly noticed Owen Paris leaving an office further down the hall and quickly excused herself and ran after him.

“Owen, can I have a minute please?”  She caught up with him and he turned at the sound of her voice, a big smile spreading across his face.

“Kathryn, you can have as many as you like.  What can I do for you?  How are you getting on?”  He took her arm and steered her to some chairs lining the hallway.

“I’m just fine Owen, we’re fine.  Getting on great actually.”  Her eyes sought out Chakotay and she saw him and Harry laugh together.

“What is it you need my dear?”  The Admiral’s voice drew her attention back.

“Sorry Owen.  Actually it’s…  Well I was going through some of mom’s old letters and things, not the legal stuff.  I’ve yet to collect that from the lawyer.  A lot of it was just old letters to my father, old messages and cards from Phoebe and I when we were kids but there were some notes and things, almost to herself, like a kind of diary.  A lot of the places mentioned meant nothing to me but there was one name, always linked to dad’s that puzzled me.”  Owen Paris kept his eyes on the woman before him.

“What was the name?”  His voice was soft.

“Actually I’m not sure if it was a name or maybe a place even.  Janus.  Have you ever heard of it?”  Kathryn’s attention was suddenly drawn back to Chakotay and Harry as they laughed out loud at some shared joke and Owen Paris took the opportunity while her attention was diverted to hide his reaction.  When Kathryn looked back at him, his face was neutral, his expression open.  He kept his voice even.

“No, I’m afraid that means nothing.  Probably an old in-thing between your parents.  We don’t tell you kids everything, you know.”  He forced a smile and was proud of the act.  “Had Chakotay ever heard of it?”  Kathryn laughed softly.

“I didn’t even ask him.  I doubt it.  It’s not important anyway.  Besides, he has his garden at the moment.  I’m getting quite jealous of that dirt and those plants.”  They laughed together and Owen quickly turned the direction of the conversation.

“You two will have to come out to the house for dinner one of these evenings.  Tom and B’Elanna would love to see you again.  I’ll get her to call you.”  Kathryn smiled, thinking of the crazy pair she loved so much.

“We’d love that.  Thank you Owen.”  All thoughts of the strange name was gone from her mind and no one was happier to see it than Owen Paris himself.  He said his goodbye and excused himself, claiming a meeting he had to attend.  With his face turned from his former student, his worry showed clearly now and suddenly an urgency entered his step as he made his way back to his office.  With his thoughts distracted as they were, he failed to notice the old Admiral shadowing the corridors, watching him before turning his attention back to the one who interested him most.  Kathryn Janeway.

It was late afternoon when they returned to the house but the light was still good and Chakotay stayed outside, wanting to water his new charges.  Kathryn gave a mock sigh and teased him about his plants.  Leaving him to his new toys, she made her way inside and within minutes, the familiar feeling that things were not right came to her.  She walked around slowly, studying the rooms and in her mind several items seemed to have been moved but she couldn’t be absolutely sure.  The feeling that someone had been inside the house stayed with her as she moved from room to room.  Suddenly a hand reached out and touched her arm.  Kathryn jumped a mile in the air and screamed out.

“Kathryn, God love, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”  Chakotay’s concerned face appeared before her and Kathryn didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Chakotay, I’m sorry.  I’m just jumpy I guess.”  Her hand covered her heart and she could feel it pounding beneath her palm.

“That’s not like you.  What’s wrong?”  He worry was growing and he slipped his arm around her shoulders.

“Nothing really.  I guess I just still feel a little strange being back here.  I keep thinking someone’s moved stuff or…  It’s nothing, just my imagination.”  She tried a smile and just about succeeded but Chakotay wasn’t fooled.

“You think someone’s been in the house?  Is anything missing?”  Kathryn began to feel silly now for letting her imagination run away with her.

“Nothing’s missing and I really don’t believe anyone’s been here.  It’s just me.  Really Chakotay, I’m fine.  I just need to settle back here a bit more.  We were a long time away…”  Chakotay smiled softly and rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

“I still find it a bit strange myself, even after a few weeks.  We’ll adjust, don’t you worry yourself.”  He pulled her to him and kissed her and all rational thoughts fled from her head.

By next morning, all thoughts of the previous afternoon were gone from Kathryn.  She threw herself into clearing out the last of her mother’s personal belongings, sorting out clothes and shoes for recycling and setting aside books and keepsakes for storage.  She uncovered several more mentions of the name Janus and put these to one side.  Chakotay had gone into the city alone to meet with his cousin who had called the previous night and Kathryn lost herself in her work, half planning colour schemes in her head as she went from room to room.  Out of the blue, a wave of dizziness passed over her and she quickly grabbed for the wall before slipping into a chair beside her.  Within minutes it had passed and she felt fine again.  She wrote it off to not having eaten any breakfast and went back to her clearing out but when a second bout hit her and she had to sit again, she made a mental note to see the Doctor about it.  When Chakotay returned to the house at lunchtime, he found her in the kitchen making a sandwich and a coffee.

“Can I make you something too or have you already eaten?”  She turned when she heard him enter the kitchen and immediately saw the worried look on his face.  “Chakotay?  What’s wrong?”  She sat at the table opposite him as he sank into a chair.

“My cousin told me about my uncle on the home world.  Apparently he’s very ill, dying actually.”  Kathryn leaned across and covered his hand with her own.

“Oh Chakotay, I’m so sorry.  Is there anything I can do?  Maybe our Doctor…”  Chakotay shook his head.

“Thanks love.  It’s just his time I’m afraid.  He’s old.”  His thoughts strayed to times long ago.

“You should go see him.”  Kathryn’s soft words broke into his mental wanderings.

“You need me here.”  Kathryn smiled gently.

“He needs you more.  I’ll be fine here.  Chakotay, you have to go.  You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.  It’s been too long.”  Chakotay covered her hand with his own.

“Maybe you could come with me.  I’d love to show you my home.”  His eyes pleaded.

“Chakotay, I have to see the lawyer the day after tomorrow.  Look, it should only take me a week at most to finish everything here.  How about I join you then?  I’d love to see your home, meet your family and the break would be good.”  He nodded at her, grateful for her support.

“If you’re sure you’ll be all right.  I can always wait…”  Kathryn stood up and went to sit in his lap.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.  Waiting a week may be too…”  She stopped herself quickly but he knew what she meant.

“I know.  That may be too late.  If you’re sure Kathryn?  I hate the thought of you here on your own.”  She saw his worry and quickly moved to allay it.

“It’s only a week.  I’ll finish here as quickly as I can and then join you.  Maybe I can even get things done faster.”  She caressed his face.

“Without me in the way?”  He grabbed her and tickled her ribs till she screamed.

“Oh mercy.  Chakotay…”  She was breathless and sore from laughing.  They suddenly grew serious again.

“I’ll head off in the morning.  Kathryn, are you sure…”  One look at her face and he stopped.  “All right.  You’ll be fine, I know.  I’ll stop fussing.  You survived the Delta Quadrant…”  They hugged and then sat quietly, eating the lunch Kathryn had made, discussing details for the following week.

Early next morning, Kathryn went with Chakotay to the transport station to see him off.  They kissed long and hard, drawing smiles and stares from people around them.

“Promise you’ll call me as soon as you get there?”  Kathryn was missing him already.

“The very minute, I promise.”  A voice calling all passengers got their attention and Kathryn tried to keep her tears in check as he pulled back from her.  Just as he was about to board, he turned quickly to the official on duty and whispered something then ran back to Kathryn, grabbing her in his arms.

“Marry me, Kathryn Janeway.  Make me the happiest man in the world?”  Kathryn was shocked and words failed her for a minute.  Finally she got her voice back.

“Right here and now?”  They both laughed.

“The minute you get to Trebus or when we get back here.  Either way as soon as possible.”  Kathryn gazed deeply into his eyes and saw the total love and devotion written there.

“Yes.”  Her voice was a whisper but her eyes told him everything else.  They kissed passionately and reluctantly pulled apart.  Kathryn stood watching the shuttle as it pulled away, feeling happier than she ever had.  Her hand strayed to her lips, the feel of his kiss still there.  Suddenly a strange voice broke into her thoughts.

“Goodbyes are always so hard, aren’t they?  It doesn’t matter how long or short a time a person will be away.  A friend?”  Kathryn turned at the sound of the voice, and came face to face with an elderly man in an Admiral’s uniform.  She smiled kindly, blinking away her tears.

“Yes he is.  He’s had to return home, a family member is dying.  I’ll miss him.”  She felt embarrassed to have spoken like this to a stranger but he just smiled sympathetically at her.

“I understand well, my dear.  I’ve just seen my son off, won’t see him again for at least a year.  It’s very difficult.”  Kathryn returned his smile, showing her understanding of his situation.

“It’s Kathryn Janeway, isn’t it?”  Kathryn looked up surprised even though she knew strangers in the street now often recognized her.  Her face was now well known and she was still learning to accept that.  The fact that this man wore a Starfleet uniform made her realize that he, of all people, would know her.

“That’s right.  I’m sorry, I don’t know your name…”  The old man took her elbow and moved them slowly down the walkway towards the exit.

“You wouldn’t know me.  I’m James Grant, Admiral Grant, but I know you.  I don’t just mean from this recent business but long before all this.  I knew your father quite well actually.”  He smiled down at her.  Kathryn thought back but still couldn’t place him.  Between the uniform and the fact that he had known her father, Kathryn instantly trusted the old man.

“I’m sorry to say your name means nothing to me.  I don’t remember ever hearing of you.”  Kathryn tried to hide her embarrassment, feeling that she should know this man.

“Hardly surprising.  It was a long time ago.”  He stopped walking and seemed to think about his next words.  “I just want to say how sorry I am about your mother and sister.  I always liked your mother and your sister I believe was a lovely woman, quite the artist.”  Kathryn smiled sadly, thinking of the two women whom she would never see again.

“Thank you.  You’re very kind.  It’s not easy.”  He patted her arm in a fatherly manner.

“I lost my wife about two years ago.  I understand completely.  Dealing with afterwards can be just as difficult.  All the legal side of things, the papers and documents.  There seems no end to them.”  Kathryn bit her lip.

“I know.  I’ve yet to start on all that.  I’ve to see the lawyers tomorrow and go through things with them.  So far, I’ve just had personal papers to sort through, mainly my mother’s, but it’s still so hard.  Seeing her handwriting makes it feel as if she’s still here…”  The Admiral nodded, staying silent and taking everything in.  Kathryn brought her thoughts back to the present.

“Well, it was lovely to meet you.  I’m afraid I have to go.  I have an appointment…”  He stood back and smiled.

“Lovely to meet you again too, my dear.  Take good care of yourself.”  He was gone as quickly as he had appeared.

Kathryn arrived at headquarters and made her way to see the Doctor.  He was overjoyed to see her again and they chatted for several minutes.  Finally he asked what he could do for her.  Kathryn smiled quietly.

“I was wondering if you could run a scan for me.  I have a suspicion I’d like confirmed…”  The Doctor nodded knowingly.  Even he knew his Captain and her First Officer were an official item now.  As Kathryn lay on the biobed and the Doctor ran his scans and tests, they chatted on about other crewmembers and how well everything had gone with their return, despite the hearing.  Finally the Doctor stood back, a big smile on his face.

“It looks like you were right.  I’m happy to tell you that you are indeed pregnant, five to six weeks if I’m not mistaken.”  Kathryn’s face lit up.

“I didn’t notice at first, with everything going on at the house and then I felt dizzy a couple of times and started to think…”  Her mind wandered, thinking of Chakotay and how happy this news would make him and her hand automatically went to her stomach, caressing the life that lay within her.

Kathryn drifted home in a haze of happiness, her mind planning the future.  She was so preoccupied, she didn’t notice the young man standing on the porch and got quite a fright.  He apologised and handed her a large folder, stating that they were documents pertaining to her mother’s estate which the lawyers had forwarded to her for her perusal before their meeting the next day.  Kathryn thanked him and went inside.  Leaving the papers on the dining room table, she replicated tea for herself, catching herself just in time before ordering coffee.

“Have to change all those bad habits now, won’t I?”  She patted her stomach, talking to the tiny life there, which already felt so real to her.  She then replicated a pair of baby booties and some writing paper and sat at the table.

Kathryn wore a large smile as she set about placing the booties in a paper folder, along with the image the Doctor had taken for her.  It was still far too early to make out anything clearly but she had still wanted the image.  She took the piece of paper and wrote in large letters across it.  “Hello Daddy”.  She smiled again as she placed all this together and crossed to the sideboard and placed it there.  Finishing her tea, she then headed upstairs deciding she needed a nap, the delivered papers forgotten.  As Kathryn slept late into the afternoon, the world ticked on around her.  At that moment in time, two men met deep in some woodland well outside San Francisco, there to discuss one subject and one subject only – Kathryn Janeway.

“I can think of better ways to spend the afternoon than trailing around this place but you sounded worried.”  The younger of the two men looked around him, checking that they were alone.

“I wouldn’t have called you here unless I deemed it vitally important and you know that.”  The older man rubbed at his face.

“Well, spill it.  What’s the problem?”  The younger of the two gave his full attention now.

“The past has come to visit the present.”  The younger man instantly looked worried and the older man pushed on.

“Our old friend is back on the scene and the timing is just…  well it’s more than coincidence.  Besides I’ve already connected him with…  Let’s just say he’s well on the scene.”  The younger man rubbed at his face now.

“Janus.”  The older man nodded.

“He’s been following her.  The minute she got back.”  The older man watched the younger absorb all this.  The younger man thought a moment.

“Owen, this is…  Oh God, this proves it.  It was him, wasn’t it?  We were right.  Grant was our man all along.”  Owen Paris nodded slowly.

“We know now for sure.  Unfortunately, we still can’t prove anything.  He’s careful.  I’ve also had Kathryn watched and my man tells me Grant spoke with her this morning.  She told him she would be getting the papers from the lawyers tomorrow.  She didn’t know him so that’s bought us some time.  John, we have little time here.  If we’re to keep her safe…”  John Harris, also an Admiral and life long friend of Owen Paris and Edward Janeway, actually groaned in frustration.

“You’re right.  He won’t hesitate to kill her.  He tried before…”  Owen Paris cut in.

“I know, although it was mainly Edward and Justin he was after.  Still, he probably believed Kathryn knew too.  If he had known about us, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now, wouldn’t be here.”  John Harris nodded, thinking back to his old friend’s death.

“Bastard.  Murder and betrayal, treason…all those lives lost because of him…  God I want him to die in agony for what he’s done…”  Owen Paris nodded agreement, his anger clearly written on his face.

“He’s good though.  No matter where we hide her, he’ll find her, get to her.  I’ve thought about this.  Kathryn has to die.”  The look of shock on the face of Harris almost made Owen Paris laugh.  “I know how it sounds but there’s no other way.  I also have someone watching Grant and apparently he’s been hanging around the offices of the firm of lawyers who are dealing with Gretchen’s estate.  I believe he’ll try and get hold of the papers tonight and if what we believe is in there is actually there, he’ll make a move on Kathryn tomorrow, maybe in the early hours.  We have to get to her before then.”  The younger man nodded, his face a mask of concentration.

“I agree, but how…”  Owen Paris looked around the trees.

“That’s something we’ll have to come up with between then and now.  I’ll call you later, on the secure line again.”  They nodded to each other and parted, thoughts of the past filling both their minds.

Kathryn awoke around six and stretched lazily on the bed.  Once again she spoke softly to her unborn child, whispering secrets to the little one.  She found herself hungry and made her way downstairs to replicate something, reminding herself that she had to eat more regularly now.  When she finished her meal, she spotted the papers on the table and took them with her to read while sitting in her father’s favourite chair.  Most of the papers were dealing with wishes her mother had made and the details of her will.  The house had been left to Kathryn along with most of her mother’s possessions.  She had left small stipends to various charities but the bulk of her property, which included the estates of her father from years ago and also Phoebe’s from the previous year, went to Kathryn.

She flipped through the Deeds to the property and finally came to the last pieces of paper.  It didn’t surprise her that her mother had opted to keep her business on paper rather than padds.  Gretchen Janeway had always hated technology.  There was still just enough light to read by and Kathryn frowned as she read the last documents, placing the others on a small table beside her.  The name ‘Janus’ instantly jumped out at her and she quickly read on, her mother’s handwriting clear and concise.

“I debated with myself endlessly about speaking of all this but Phoebe’s death last year decided it for me.  I know Kathryn is alive now and while I don’t know if or when she’ll return home, I have to consider that if she does, I may well have passed on by that time.  I swore at one stage that I would never speak of all this, mainly through fear.  I have never feared for myself but I always had to consider my girls, especially Kathryn.  She is so much closer to it all and I worry constantly about her.  I actually believed at one time that her disappearance was related to this.  I almost lost her once because of it all and I worry that he’ll try and finish what he started.  When he took Edward, I thought that was the end of me.  Poor Justin too.  I saw what it all did to Kathryn.

That man shattered our lives, all to keep his cover.  Thank God he didn’t know that Edward had spoken to our two Starfleet friends, whose names I fear to write on these pages.  Edward’s name for this man was well suited.  Janus – looking both ways.  Edward told me the origin of the name, an ancient God, the month of January named after him, the God of doors and portals.  This man is also two faced, trading secrets to the Cardassians and Starfleet, playing one off against the other, all for his own gain.  I shudder to think of the good people who died because of him, my own Edward in particular.

A part of me never wanted Kathryn to know of all this but her safety depends on her knowledge of it.  He’ll never believe she knows nothing of him and knowledge now is her only defence against him.  I never had the courage to speak to our ‘friends’ about this, although I know they have a full knowledge of it all.  If only they had had the proof.  They had worked so closely with Edward and Justin, all in secret, but they were always one step behind him.  I thank God again that Janus never knew of this. 

I pray that by the time Kathryn reads of this, it won’t matter any more.  Perhaps that evil man will be dead by then but life doesn’t always work out that way.  I believe they will do their best to keep Kathryn safe when she returns and I will pray for her until my last day on this earth.”